She isn't real, I can't make her real

I think that I am in love with a woman that doesn't exist, an addict chasing a high that can never be had. I dream her to hold me, to embrace me in all my ugliness and accept it. I am so hideous.

I find her and find happiness, but before long she always disappears again. When I think I have her, she's gone. She's had so many different names. She always tells me just the right thing to make me know that she's there, a ghost that drifts from body to body.

When I hold her in my arms, all of my fears are cleansed away and I feel whole again. I feel so alive till she is gone once again.

Maybe her real name is infatuation. Whoever she is, I miss her.... I miss her so much. I hope she comes back to me someday, it's been too long and I am so lonely.