Thu 9 Aug, 2012 03:49 am
Hi, I fell in lov wth a womn aftr she hlpd me out of depression & break up frm her close freind.She spent so much of her time as a good friend to get me bck into life & tht time frame devlpd an intimacy betwn us & I proposed to her though she did not agree at frst she ltr got compltly involved wth me.we movd in togthr & strtd lvng our life vry happy & content.She is a divorcee aftr 8yrs of marriage wth a man who cheated on her & went wth othr womn.She had been in couple of reltnshps aftr divorce but all were horrible & evryone lft her hurt.I had also dated a lot of women but was nevr in serious relationship bfr the one I broke up, her friend.We knw abt bth of our past life vry well in detail & we strtd a new life tgthr.We undrstnd each othr vry well though we usd to fght ocssnlly for minor things we usd to mke sure we sort it out rght awy & be bck wth ech othr & lov ech othr jst for wht we are.Our attachment & lov ws so much so tht we can't evn spnd times aprt without missing each othr.Our relationship was only among us & no one could be tld abt it bcz I'm also a female.We lovd each othr so much tht we nvr cared abt the world & we are matured adults to handle it within our space.We spnd times tgther wth her family & thy knw me well as her friend & treat me as a part of the family.She is 34 & I'm 31 we bth work & live vry indepndnt whn it comes to finance. She strtd travelling a lot due to her work & on one of her trvl as her status to the world is divrcd a senior official frm her compny approached her & said he is intrsted to pursue a relationship wth her.She said no to him but strtd to talk & spnd the work time with him during her stay there.Thy wre also writing emails to ech othr aftr she retrnd but nthng in specific.Aftr tht trip she agn flew to anthr place for work whre he also flew to meet. She had physicl involvment wth him thre & all ths ws kpt awy frm me.I did nothing to find this out but bcz of my connect & bond wth her I could say evrythng tht happnd & she accptd it though she was surprised how I cld read her so well.Abt this guy, he is 45, married twice & divrcd wth 4 children but wntd to strt nw wth my girl. I sensed all this & I askd her for the truth & she broke out crying tht she didn't know wht wnt wrng wth her & how cld she do something like tht whn I'm thre in her life & she lovd me. We spoke abt it, cried & meanwhile tht fellow agn arrngd a travl to Europe through his influence as he is in senior level & got her thre for training. Ths time she lived wth him for 10 days, physcl & mntl but though she spnt her time thre she wud sddnly get lost, worried & dprssd tht she ws doing wrng wth me & she can't thnk of life without me. She lied to me tht she stayed in the hotel but I knew she was wth him. She accepted the truth while she was still there & said tht she complicated the situation by falling into a pit & everything now is so complicated that she is confused to decide. she told, she did not tell me truth bcz I wud get hurt. I askd her if she wnts me in life for which she said she needs me and can't think of disconnecting frm me evr in life. She does not lov him but as things wre so fast she wnt wth the flow.Tht man ws so pushy & so immature for his age - 45 tht evn bfr she said a yes to the reltnshp he infrmed evryone abt her to his - ex wives, childrn, mother, brothrs,office people. His first marriage ws for more thn 15yrs & 2 sons out of it then divrcd, immdtly second marriage of 12yrs - 2daughters & jst divorced & then he fell for my girl and he says he lovs her. Aftr she came bck frm Europe we spoke again & I ld not see her depressed, worried so tld her not to have any form of guilt & I will still accpt her 100% if she comes out of it comepltly. We still live togther & love each othr. Aftr she came bck whn he calld she tld him tht she needs some time to figure out confusions on her mind & will let him knw if she is rdy to go ahd wth him but he will call her on mobile almst evrydy inspite of her askng time & if she does not answr on one will call the othr numbr & keep calling until she picks up. If she writes that she will call bck aftr 10mts he will call bck exctly in 10 minutes. He does not knw anything abt her othr relationships & me & is confused probably wht wnt wrng wth her suddnly. He also shwd some weird behavior like discussng wth his 7 & 11 year old childrn abt her whn she hasn't confrmd yet & tld her tht my children asked for you. He only knws tht she was married once & divorced & is single since thn.Nw my grl is so confused & full of guilt bcz she knws she cheated me, lied to me & got involved into something which she is not sure of & she has not shared complte picture thre. Her career is going very well at this firm & does not wnt tht to shake up bcz he is the close friend of her boss. He evn got her boss involved to vouch on him & convince her into ths relationship.She still has not decided & taking her time.When she & I spoke she mentioned if I will say no to him I will not lose anything but will hav guilt to hav gone wth the flow wth him & if she says not to me she will lose me once for all in life which she does not wnt to but she wnts clarity on mind. We are gng togthr for a spiritual trip nxt week fr som peace of mind. Noone knws hw hurt I'm as I see the womn whm I lov the mst in pain, involvd wth someone, tking time to choose betwn me & him & I'm still wth her & comfrtng her. I'm arnd whn he calls, messgs I die inside seeing tht bt she wants me arnd bcz she wnts me to knw evrythng wht she talks wth him. Pls help wht shld I do, wht shld she do. Does she lov me or him.Is she jst cnfusd & tkng time or is that guy good..
Complicated...sorry that you have to go through that... But i think that, if she loves you she shouldnt give into pressure. the dude is just pushy, he is apparently the type that has to have what he wants when he wants...and mixing work with relationships thats just not right.he got the boss involved in all that, so of course, now she thinks twice because also her job is in jeopardy.... i would say, Real Love first. and she should figure out Why is she confused. what is\was missing in her life that gave enough room for someone else - like that dude- to butt in and mess everything...i think that when we allow something like that to happen, means that something was already wrong\lacking, even when we dont realize it..its easy to say was only the dude's fault, but it takes 2... i hope everything turns out well. stay strong.
Thanks for the reply and your time..
what's important is that you both figure things out...and also very important, she figures out why she got confused and gave the chance to put your relationship at risk... *
Thanks again. We have spoke a lot what made her do such a thing and she keeps saying she didn't know what went wrong and she went with the flow. That guy still calls everyday and she sometimes answers in front of me and sometimes not. She has asked him and me for time to figure out what she really wants in life. She says she can't let me go but she is not sure what to do because she is full of guilt as she did wrong to me and unnecessarily got involved and kept moving on with that guy which was not required. Sometime she says if I say no to him I loose nothing but of I let you go I loose everything. She still doesn't take any decision. we live together so you know we just talk about this every now and then and when I ask her if I should go she says stay with me till I figure out things and on the other hand that guy is in full flow asking her he is not sure what went wrong as she was absolutely fine when with him. I asked her about that and she mentioned she was involved and the only thing that got her worried and crying was about her and me. I feel so lost not knowing what's in for me. I love her and I'm unable to let go.