Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Yes, I know what you mean, Walter. But, as the saying goes: if you didn't laugh you might cry.

I know, I know.

That's not a true reflection of feelings & attitude at all, Walter. You know that. Your "professional view" protects you a little, helps you cope with very painful circumstances.

Well, the "professional Walter" is quite often very angry about "the son Walter".

How, exactly?

<pat pat>

Aw, you poor thing! Like your wife, I don't know how you do it!

That's a different story: no-one understands me ...

Walter wrote:


You don't have to answer but could this have to do with unresolved issues between Walter the son and his mother? Just know that you are being a very good son now. You may get frustrated at times. At times your emotions may get the best of you. The professional Walter is the one who makes the best decisions for your mother's care because he can be dispassionate. That doesn't mean professional Walter has scorn for Water, the son. I'm sure professional Walter would give Walter the son a hug if he could.

I would, too. Hugs, Walter. What you are going through is tough.

I don't think that there are unsolved issues, well, at least not more than within any mother>son relation ... over 60 years. (Mostly just clothes-related etc)

I'm rather sure that the 'professional Walter' makes better decisions than the son: there's a saying in 'professional circles' that the loving parents/children are the worst

It could be tough, very tough, indeed, if it came too close ...

I'm glad your sense of humor is still intact.

Hah! Humour, you say: if you'd heard her what she said about my mustache .... the very same, she's telling my now since exactly 37 years.

Edited: really, nearly exactly on the day

Mother is being taken now twice per day - in a wheelchair - to the "living room" on her ward.
She usually sits alone there, because she doesn't like others to be with her. (The fitter ones on her ward sit in the ward's hall on a large table - she didn't like to stay there.)

When I meet her there, she's always confused about where she is.
When I meet her in her room, she's always confused about where she is.


I got quite knowable by now what she thinks where she is, at what time, especially.
And who the persons are she then talking about - always living in at least two different time periods to where she means to be.

If the weather is fine - like it is now and was the last couple of days - some part-time carers (usually the same) take her out for a "walk" in the wheelchair through the park. (She doesn't want us top do it, and she doesn't want to go in the town [only a couple of meters] - but on the other hand, she doesn't know where the home is ... [it's her old grammar school].)

I've noticed that she is acting like my aunt, her cousin did, 18, 20 years ago, at about the same age (mother is 89 since this month).
When I meet her in the park, she 'intoduces' my ("that is my son Walter") to her 'driver' ("this is Mrs ... what was your name again").

Today, it was even worse.

It sounds like the "normal" process to me, Walter.
Especially the confusion.

Yes, that's what it is.

"Normal" can be pretty hard, though.

At least you're accepting the situation, and God grant you patience to continue to do so.

I'm quite aware about the situation - and that it can become even worse.

Patience? Well, it's my mother [and my aunt].. But sometimes, I can't stay with her longer than a couple of minutes (though I visit her [them] at least every second day).

I sometimes have to cut visits with my Mom short, too. It's not very often, but sometimes she's just going to repeat the same story over and over. The worst part is that you know the story isn't true. Fortunately it doesn't happen very often.

My sister told me last night that she was advised to prepay for my mother's funeral in order to spend down what remains of Mom's money. She can also prepay the assisted living facility to accomplish the same thing. Her savings should last her another year or so. When her money is close to being gone, then she can apply for Medicaid. We've been told by the facility manager that she can stay right here she is and Medicaid will pick up the tab. Has anyone here done this or know of someone who has?

I never got that far with my mother.. I sold her house to pay for the nursing home (don't get me going, as I didn't have to being joint tenant - I could have just moved in - and my attorney was both expensive and useless, as was the social worker I consulted) -
anyway, that would be excellent if she can continue on there, swimpy.

No one I know, but I've read a few nasty stories about prepaid funeral expenses. I would be very sure the company (funeral home) is still going to be in business when needed.

Good point.

I know - it's just not possible to make long visits and maintain your equilibrium. And even when Bob was in the nursing facility right in the same building as our apartment, it was mentally and physically exhausting to visit him twice a day, let alone for long stretches, and even though he never complained about anything (except the pain, when he broke his ankle).