msApple, you may be misunderstanding what I mean by an "ideal."
I don't mean that you're infatuated per se. I take it by your use of the word "dating" that your relationship with Jay did not involve living together, for example. It's much, much different to see someone at arranged times and when you're in the mood for it than to be with someone all of the time.
Your relationship with Jay also didn't seem to last long enough to exit the "chemical madness" stage of things.
So, it's an unfair fight. Your husband doesn't really stand a chance against the ideal of Jay. The problem is, Real Jay might not stand a chance against Ideal Jay, either.
I do think it's very unfortunate that your parents pressured you into a marriage with an Indian man. If you were writing to us for advice back then -- "I love Jay and we're happy together, but my parents want us to break up so I can marry an Indian man" -- I would have suggested that you defy them and stay with Jay.
However, a lot more has happened since then.
And I'm not sure your eyes are open enough to the possibility that if you divorce your husband to be with Jay, you'll end up without your husband OR Jay.
That's not a disastrous outcome, of course -- in India it might be, but here it's not that big of a deal really. My main point is that you seem to be weighing only two options -- your husband or Jay -- and I think you're not being realistic about that.