I, like the guy in the story, would lend and borrow a cup of sugar from a gay couple who were neighbors and have dinner at their house and let our kids play together, but if they started swapping spit in front of me I would probably have to stifle a little “yuch”. Does that make me a homophobe?
How are you with heterosexual people kissing?
I personally don't care to see any couple slobbering over each other in public. Not in a theater, a food joint, on a street corner or anywhere else where there are people about. A quick kiss, even on the lips is one thing and should stop right there.
Here’s another one: One controversy that seems to come up every so often is about whether sexual orientation is a choice or totally inborn – genetic. So as not to give the oppressors and “anti” forces any leeway, I generally side with those who say it is not a choice.
I was born a full fledged homosexual. Due to circumstances this was news that didn't infiltrate its way into my brain for several years. (the circumstances being that homosexuality was not ever talked about at home as a possibility) Fortunately, I could look back and see that I'd always been attracted to men, this made the acceptance of myself a little easier.
But I still have questions.
For instance, where in the argument do we include a woman who raises kids and grandkids and stays with the same man for 30 years, then “comes out” at the age of 55? Was she deceived through all those years with her spouse and family? Was she just “passing”, while knowing her true identity all along? Was she necessarily gay all the time, or did her orientation change?
There are those who really have no idea they are homosexual. Take myself as an example.
I grew up in different communities including Greenwich Village. During those formative years of the 1950s and 1960s there were plenty of homosexuals in the area, some were friends of my grandmother and I met them. It still didn't register with me. I wasn't attracted to these men and the men I was attracted to were in most cases married and had children.
To me, as insane as it may seem, I thought this was the normal thing. I thought all men felt this way; but, they ended up getting married and having children. It never occurred to me that there were men who weren't attracted to other men.
My upbringing, indicated the procedure was to grow up, go to college, get married and have children. Even as I found myself interested in men, and not interested in anything physical with women, I expected I'd go to college, graduate then marry and have 4 children (there were always 4, the palm reader had clearly made a mistake when she said I'd only have 3). I even had names selected for them (there were to be 2 boys and 2 girls).
Nothing had prepared me for that summer when I realized the truth about myself.
So in answer to your question of people going through life, having a family and still not coming out, there are those who may truly not know. If they live a secluded life and haven't met a person of the same sex who gives them that charge, then they might not really know. Even living in a large city it doesn't always register with a person. Society for years has trained people to believe that the proper procedure is to get married to someone of the opposite sex and procreate and live with the person you marry until one of you dies. My mother held that thinking, and indicated that if my father hadn't decided to test knife sharpness on himself and subsequently died, they would have grown older together. In her words, 'marriage is until death'. She acknowledged it wasn't a good marriage, the happy love was long gone.
One experience I saw was the mother of a friend of my sister. The woman had 5 children, years of marriage and then realized she was into women, not men. She had met someone who made her toes curl and her heart beat more rapidly. She was in her 40s at the time. She hadn't been intentionally denying who she was, she just didn't know.
There was a documentary years ago, where a woman commented on her coming out. She was married, had children, even grandchildren and loved her husband, although it wasn't a physical attraction, it never had been, other than he was good looking.
One night after a party at her home, she was clearing things away, taking them into the kitchen when another woman who had been sipping a few too many brewskies, planted a kiss on her lips and hugged her. She said that was when the electrical current made it to the light bulb over her head and she realized she had for years fantasized about women when she was with her husband.
Who knows how many people just haven't discovered their personal truth because they haven't met that someone special yet.