Fri 27 Apr, 2012 06:06 pm
I met this guy (D) on a band's fansite. We got on well, talked, then went to a gig together. I'm an awkward person, so is he, we didn't talk much.
We've kept up the friendship on facebook. The gig was over a year ago. We know each other quite well. I'm aware it's sort of a fake relationship, because we're not really seeing each other. But like I said, we get on. He listens, I listen. He seems to care.
He says I can talk to him about anything.
I just finished talking to him about this guy I met on holiday (E), who keeps texting me to get off (he asks naughty questions, wanting me to play along). I did, play along, at first. But I realised that he'd contact me whenever he was in the mood for that kind of thing. It annoyed me, I'm not a toy. I let him know, he continued anyway. I ignored him for a week. He contacted me again this evening, thought I've give him the benefit of the doubt. He started again, sent me a picture of himself. I told him I wasn't getting into that. He asked why, then continued to be cheeky, to put it mildly.
I went back to ignoring him.
Anyway I was telling D about that and he said "Stop, I don't want to hear about this anymore". I was kind of taken aback, he usually has some advice or anything whatever I have to say. He's been slipping in some innocent compliments into our conversations, but I know he's just a nice guy, he's, I think, the same around other fans (we're sort of a community).
Now I'm just worried about where this is going. I don't find him physically attractive, to be honest, but he's just so nice. I'm starting to get a bit apprehensive concerning our relationship. I don't want it to get serious. Go further. I do want it (I'm very lonely, and he understands me so well).
All in all, I just don't know what to do. Whether to pull back, play along when he gets (very mildly) suggestive.
It's a big deal for me because I've never been in a relationship before. And I don't socialise very much, so this is really all I've got at the moment. I'm just confused.
I thought guys went after what they wanted, without beating around the bush. But I just don't know with this guy.
We don't live too far apart, 3-4h by train. 30minutes by plane.
I don't know what I want, I just like what I have now, and I'm just wondering whether I'm worrying about nothing, or if there really is a chance it could get complicated. Why did he pu up a wall when I tried to talk to him about another guy ? I know you probably think it's obvious, but at the same time, it's not...
I don't know if I should bring it up, ask him outright. I'm afraid it's gonna make things weird between us.
Sorry to bother you all with this, I just like the annonimity of this place.
Your honest opinions on.... the situation would be appreciated.
Thank you =)
It just got weird. We both admitted to being a bit ... frustrated.
I didn't know what to do. If we go there, it could mess it all up.
I said I'd better go then, we should talk another time.
He said "If you'd prefer." Me : "I don't honestly know what I'd prefer right now."
Him : "Either way, now's not the time to tell me this if you don't want things to get weird". Me : "What you're allowed to mention that possibility on your part, but I can't on mine?" Him : "I'm just worried about you, I'm afraid of getting carried away."
We sort of both agreed to call it a night. Half heartedly.
I'm torn. This is so new to me, I don't know what to do or think.
We've sort of crossed the weird bridge, but not really. I have no idea how our next conversation is going to go. We talk 4-5 times a week, sometimes everyday.
Argh. This is beyond me.
It's kind of cute your conversation and how you both are afraid that the other might think you went to far. Well, Eclipsed, you don't want to ruin a perfect friendship by engaging into a romantic liaison. I can understand this and if you really don't want to pursue this, then you should be honest with him and tell him that your friendship is so much more important to you - you always can find a lover but friends are hard to come by. Put it in a humorous context so it won't be too awkward for him - or you for that matter.
However, I have a hunch that you're probably just afraid of getting into a relationship with him. You obviously enjoy each others company, you might enjoy a relationship with him too! No risk - no gain!
Thanks for answering =)
Of course I'm afraid haha. I've never been in a relationship before, as I said, and I also have attachment issues. I've no idea what to expect, and I don't know what either of us want.
I'm just fretting like a teenager (I'm only 21 anyway), because I'm at that stage, socially, emotionally... Where most girls have "Been there, done that." By age 15-17, I'm still there.
So yes, I'm quite freaked out by all of this anyway.
I'm also aware that the image we have of each other is most probably distorted. We met in person once, and that was over a year ago. Now all we have are a few photos on facebook. I have to look at his quite often to remind me what he looks like.
I don't know I guess. Just fretting. And you know, just being a girl.
But I appreciate your opinions, thoughts on the matter. Thank you.
Don't make excuses for being 21 years old and not having had a relationship yet - it's perfectly all right, there is nothing wrong with it. What would be wrong however, is to not enter into a relationship because you're too shy or
scared of it. That's not a valid reason, Eclipsed
You have obviously very much in common with the guy and you are friends first and foremost, if it slides into a relationship then so be it. Enjoy it! Chances are, he is just as afraid as you are....
Good grounded advice. Thank you.
Only thing to work around -- or not work around -- is the physical attraction (or lack thereof) issue.
We'll see. He's appologising now. Haha.