I think I wasn't clear.
In general, when kids are speculating about who has a crush on who, the implicit assumption is that everyone is straight.
That's what I was talking about, in the first place, so the "not my business" answer doesn't really apply.
Maybe this will help, maybe not:
The conversation sozlet and I were having was about crushes in general. That Sarah has a crush on Joe, and that Ben has a crush on Amanda. And on and on, including a lot of people in the fifth grade. Some of them are publicly dating, some of them are just stated, well-known crushes, some of it was just speculation
. Does Dave like Marie? He sure seems to. Sozlet and her friends talk about this stuff, and she was filling me as part of a leisurely chat about her day.
I asked if she had a crush on anyone -- last I knew, she didn't -- and she said no, not really. IF she has a crush on anyone, she said, it's probably this guy. (I'll call him Ryan.)
We talked about that for a bit, and how to know if you have a crush on someone vs. whether you just like the person as a friend. She thought that she probably just likes Ryan as a friend, but then said that a lot of people think he has a crush on her.
We talked about that for a bit, and she asked me what I thought -- whether I think he has a crush on her from what I've observed. I mentioned the stuff I wrote above about how he obviously likes her, but I couldn't tell, myself, whether he has a crush on her. I also said I thought he might be gay, within that context. Definitely not "he is gay," just by the way, in terms of him having a crush on you or not, maybe gay.
I could've left it at just I couldn't tell if he had a crush on her, sure. At the time I didn't have any particular goal in mind, just was talking to her in a way we often talk.
But I realized that it's of a piece with me saying, when she does the imaginary prom match-ups (and they do that!) "remember that by the time you guys are going to prom, some of your class will probably have come out as gay," or "check out this sweet story [in the NYT Sunday paper marriage feature, about a gay couple]." (I don't do it just about gay couples, but a certain percentage of the "awww sweet story" features are about gay couples.)
I don't want her to assume that everyone she is going to school with is straight, because that's probably not the case.
Does that make more sense?