I can see some of your irritation, but people here have been making suggestions for you to address those things, both re making your home practical for their visit, but also, just as important, speaking up for yourself. I somewhat understand, as everybody I know keeps their things in the guest bedroom, and so on.. but if you want their things there, make it clear.
Your husband seems a mystery to me. Your son was presumably raised by you but appears to agree with his wife, which is natural for a couple.
Did your son never before help clear the dishes?
I can see both sides of that situation, as some like to do all the work, and some want people standing around the kitchen as the hearth of the home, and are fine with people clearing the table, and so on. But building resentments about this is making you miserable. If you want help, ask for it.
We all handle our lives differently, but you seem to be complaining about yourself not handling yours, while you rear back from making waves, even with husband.
I think some women have historically been whiny, or passive aggressive, as what they can do when they feel impotent to change anything.
I don't mean this meanly, but to help - I think you could do some reading about passive aggression and anger, because this kind of thing can eat you up while you are somewhat trapped in not raising waves. When you do raise one, it'll probably be out of proportion to one incident - which is what you are trying to control and makes you so exhausted.
A little counselling or group therapy might be a help to you, Jodie.
edit - I've read all the threads before, not reread them this time. Will check them again. You could do that too, Jodie, see if you see a pattern.