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Feeling so guilty after kissing my ex, help?

 
 
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 01:52 pm
I'm new here, just signed up to seek advice!!
I'm a 20 year old female, last september I came out of an abusive and controlling relationship of two years. He was extremely clever at keeping me even though day after day he'd make me feel like the smallest person in the world. Eventually he left me, no reason, just boredom I guess. Two months later ( and I know that's way too soon ) I got with someone new. My new boyfriend now is a dream, he's completely the opposite to my ex. He showers me with affection and gifts. Around two weeks ago I heard from my ex, he wanted to see me one last time, so I agreed, he came to my house, and regrettably, we kissed. I pushed him off me after about 3 seconds and cried my eyes out with guilt.
I could say he used his charm on me again and lured me in, but it was my fault aswell, I should never of let him in my house !
Anyway now the guilt is eating me up inside, I don't want to lose my current boyfriend. Should I tell him? Sad help !
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 2,796 • Replies: 16

 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:12 pm
@Sugar011,
Quote:
I should never of let him in my house !


Yup. Avoid all contact with the jerk. Guys like this love to get their "doormats" back.

No need to tell the current man, it will not make him or you feel better. You made a mistake, you learned from it, go forward. Just be a better girlfriend and a stronger woman from now on.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:16 pm
@Green Witch,
+1 and you don't owe the ex a darn thing.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:31 pm
@Sugar011,

I'm really happy that you have moved on and realised you are someone and deserve to be treated with respect...

You know, I think, when someone leaves you, "regardless" of how the person treated you, the closure isn't the same if you don't know why they left and you always wonder. Given how he was controlling and abusive and made you feel worthless, this would have been the final blow for you... I think, that's why you let him back in, to ascertain if you were still good enough, if he would kiss you and then you woke up:)

It's a normal emotion he controlled you for so long... What you need to remember now is, any time he calls, it's because he wants to win, like he always did and like he did then... That's all it is... You're better than that and you've got a chance to be loved...now... change your phone number.

I don't think you should feel guilty rather in the understanding of why that all occured and learn from it and let it go... I also don't think you should tell your now boyfriend, it was only a kiss and with a logical reason behind it, based on your history... Just learn from it and let it go....
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:37 pm
@Sugar011,
left the relationship in September 2011, new boyfriend November 2011?

I don't think you need to tell the new guy anything if you've only been with him a month - I don't think that's long enough to be any kind of committed relationship.

If I'm off by a year, then I might think slightly differently about it.
Sugar011
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:39 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank you so so so much, your reply really helped me !
But don't you think my now boyfriend deserves to know my mistake?
I'm terrified my ex will tell him, and then my boyfriend will confront me....Then what would I do? say 'oh yes I'm sorry I kept it from you' or deny it? Sad
0 Replies
 
Sugar011
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:40 pm
@ehBeth,
I just feel so bad on him, Beth
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 02:44 pm
@Sugar011,
If you've been dating him for a month, the kiss took place after two weeks. Two weeks is not a relationship.


If the new guy doesn't understand that you're messed up after being in a bad relationship for two years then you've already got trouble in the new potential relationship. He should expect some sort of problems.
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 03:16 pm
@Sugar011,
Quote:
I just feel so bad on him,


That's good, you have a conscience, Sugar. You realize that you made a mistake. Now realize that you got duped, badly, by a real con artist. Don't knock yourself out over it. Resolve to try to exercise more careful personal judgment and move along with your life.

Don't change your phone number. If the con phones again, tell me not to call you anymore.
0 Replies
 
Sugar011
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 03:17 pm
@ehBeth,
True, but I have no idea how to come about it, if he ever finds out Sad
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 03:31 pm
@Sugar011,
Quote:
but I have no idea how to come about it, if he ever finds out


Honestly, Sugar, honestly. Admit everything, explain your position and the actions you took/are taking to prevent any reoccurrence. Your new guy couldn't help but like/love you more.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 03:34 pm
@Sugar011,
He is "now" your boyfriend... What happened is like ehBeth stated, way at the beginning when really you were courting, dating, getting to know each other..

Be Assertive. If your ex says something, tell your now boyfriend it wasn't important, you were yet again conned and realised your position and that there is nothing for him to be concerned about, you are with him and happy...Leave it at that...
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 03:44 pm
@Sugar011,
Well, all the sensible people here have advised you to just move on, leave the new guy out of it, etc.

However, you keep asking the same thing, and rehashing it.

Are you just waiting to hear the answer that will enable you to keep making yourself feel important? Which would be, feel guilty, tell the new bf, keep the drama going, etc.

Sugar011
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 06:54 pm
@JTT,
Thankyou so much
0 Replies
 
Sugar011
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 06:56 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank You , You've helped me alot, all of you x
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Jan, 2012 07:10 pm
@chai2,
Sugar asked three followup questions, Chai. What is it with you and your incredible leaps of illogic?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 Jan, 2012 07:34 am
So what if your new boyfriend finds out?

Tell him it was a goodbye kiss to a jerk.


0 Replies
 
 

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