Tom Lehrer/ My Favorite Minstrel

Eef you visit American city
you will find it very pretty
but two things of which you must beware
don't drink the water and don't breathe the air

Too bad that we don't have audio chat. Imagine all of us singing these songs together?
What a hoot that would be!

Don't be nervous
Don't be frightened
Don't be scared
Be prepared!

oh, the protestants hate the catholics
and the catholics hate the protestants
the hindus hate the muslims
and everybody hates the jews!

but during national brotherhood week...

<shnorting with laughter>

I dunno about the singing, Phoenix. You've heard my voice; I'm kind of an off-key alto. Then again, TL wasn't exactly the most mellifluous of singers.

the old dope peddler ....

For those of you who want to get an idea of what Tom Lehrer sounds like go to:

Tom Lehrer Song Clips

I was singing along, and my husband couldn't figure out where in the world I had learned THOSE songs!

"if any good songs are going to come out of World War Three, we'd better start writing them now."

Well... two can play at that game.

There’s More Than One Way To Skin A Cat
-by yours truly, the aquatic bard.


There’s more than one way to skin a cat
Believe me I have tried
Sometimes I’ll go back to front
And sometimes side to side.
And then there’s times that I think
I should go from bottom to top.
As long as there are cats around
It’s awfully hard to stop.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
Or so I have been taught.
It’s lots of fun, you should try it yourself
Make sure you don’t get caught.
So many cats, so many ways
At least a hundred I guess,
The only thing is when you’re done
You gotta clean up the mess.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
Or so it has been said
And if your ears are sensitive
Make sure first that they’re dead.
You can shoot ‘em, you can drown ‘em
You can bash them with a wrench
But don’t throw them in the oven
For they make an awful stench.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
That’s how the saying goes
And if I’m in a hurry
I will line them up in rows.
Some people get real upset
They’ve pelted me with rocks.
The president would like to know
Just what I’ve done with Socks.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
I’ve known it all my life
And after years of practice
I don’t even need a knife.
Some people think cats are cute
They like to hear them purr
But I don’t care, my underwear
Is totally lined with fur.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
It’s not just a cliché.
Zut alors! Un pussy cat!
En garde mon chat! Touché!
Some say it’s a science
And some say it’s an art.
Some will use a butcher knife
And some a Cuisenart.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
As everybody knows
How come the neighbors disappear
When I put on my shows?
They all act real uncomfortable
Like they wanna be somewhere else
When I take out my scrapbooks
And show off all the pelts.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat
That’s what the people say
The rest of this song is censored
By the ASPCA.

"Don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell."

So long Mom, i'm off to drop the bomb
So don't wait up for me
Even as you swelter
Down in your shelter
You can see me, on your tv
So long Mommy, I'm off to kill a commie
So send me a salami, and try to smile somehow
I'll wait for you when the war is over
An hour and half from now . . .

a classic rhyme, methinks...

And this is what he said on
His way to armageddon...

While we're attacking frontally
Watch Brinkel-ly and Hunt-telly
Discussing contrapunctally
The cities we have lost
So please stay tuned
So you don't miss a minute
Of the agonizing holocaust!

The real question is who played Hypotenuse?

Y'see... I grew up on the 10" record...

A tad cramped and a wee bit whizzy seal, zut alors?

Wasn't it Ingrid Bergman who played part of Hypotenuse?

And ever since I meet this man my life is not the same
and Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name .... ay!

Who can turn a can into a cane?
Who can turn a pan into a pane?
It's not too hard to see,
It's Silent E.

Who can turn a tub into a tube?
Who can turn a cub into a cube
It's elementary
For Silent E

He took a pin and turned it into a pine
he took a twin and turned him into twine.

Who can turn a cap into a cape?
Who can turn a tap into a tape?
A little glob becomes a globe instantly,
If you just add Silent E

He turned a dam - Alakazam! - into a dame
But my friend Sam stayed just the same.

Who can turn a man into a mane?
Who can turn a van into a vane?
A little hug becomes huge instantly
Don't add W, Don't add X, And don't add Y or Z
Just add Silent E.

...and just the other night, he turned a simple rap into a...

(there's an adult version, see...)

YIKES!!!

My favorite, though...

I love my friends and they love me
We're just as close as we can be
And just because we really care
Whatever we get, we share!

I got it from Agnes
She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been him
Louise who gave it to him
Now she got it from Harry
Who got it from Marie
And ev'rybody knows that Marie
Got it from me

Giles got it from Daphne
She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork
A-kissin' the Blarney Stone
Pierre gave it to Sheila
Who must have brought it there
He got it from Francois -- and Jacques
Aha, lucky Pierre!

Max got it from Edith
Who gets it ev'ry spring
She got it from her Daddy
Who just gives her ev'rything
She then gave it to Daniel
Whose spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it
And we're still wondering how

But I got it from Agnes
Or maybe it was Sue
Or Millie or Billie or Gillie or Willie
It doesn't matter who
It might have been at the pub
or at the club, or in the loo
And if you will be my friend, then I might ...
(Mind you, I said "might" ...)
Give it to you!