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Sat 1 Oct, 2011 06:52 am
Last night my wife told me that she had a lesbian one night stand with my mates wife. It happened when we all, including our respective 3 and 7 year old daughters went away for a weekend in a caravan park, we all got drunk i went to bed and as far as i know my mate did too. The girls stayed up and thats when it happened. We've all been friend for about 10 years.
She doesn't see as cheating and has said that she does not regret it. As we talked. For about 4 hours she started to realise that despite my typical male bravado talking positively about not been bothered if she had a lesbian fling....joking macho crap of course, she was surprised that was so upset.
I want to move on but it seams to me that she needs more than me despite her trying to assure me that it had been a fantasy she had to fulfil and will never be repeated...I am quite a strong character and no where near as tactile as my wife. I love her, and thought after 12 years of great marriage, notwithstanding the odd wobbler, That we really had something special, trust, understanding, as well as a good sexual relationship....is my head up my arse and am I kidding myself that my wife can be monogamous and happy with just me?
@Paul101,
Get her to log on and we can ask her.
Seriously, for gawdsake ... ask her. But do understand that affair WAS cheating. The fact that it was with a woman is not relevant. It still WAS cheating.
Asking others here ultimately won't help you with your marital problems. Only her opinion and your's is what matters here.
If you both want to solve this problem...go to couple's therapy..or find something or some way to get to the root of the problem..not the surface. She's not satisified sexually or that affair never would have happened.
@Paul101,
Quote:I want to move on but it seams to me that she needs more than me despite her trying to assure me that it had been a fantasy she had to fulfil and will never be repeated.
So if she assured you it was just fulfilling a fantasy and would never be repeated why do you think she needs more than just you?
Did she say that?
Are you just imagining she thinks that because you are so hurt by it having happened?
@Ragman,
I have asked her, it's not like she gonna admit she needs more than me is it?
I guess it's only time to forgive and to move on.......the trust has gone though, and not looking forward to the images I think I'm gonna get when we get physical....how do you get it out of your mind?
I would forgive her. She seems like a nice person and her friend seemed to like her, so, what the hell ....... let it go.
And as far as struggling with getting the images out of your mind --- wouldn't that enhance them? Am I being old-fashioned?
@Paul101,
Well if the trust is gone as you state then it sounds like you have made up your mind, probably best to move on. What’s a relationship if you don’t have trust?
So we all agree that Paul should move on? Great! Another thread concluded. Time to move on to another thread. More people to save.
@gustavratzenhofer,
Thanks if life were only as simple as your insight wouldn't it be great!
I am guessing your missus has nevercheted on you.
@Paul101,
If you turn to the Internet for advice, you can expect to get some snarky answers along the way. That said, do you think your wife has an emotional investment in this other person? If so, you are toast. If not, your relationship is fine. Long term as long as you meet your wife's emotional needs, she is going to stay put even if her desire for a little action on the side is not met. Like all spouses who have been cheated on, don't forget to check for STD's.
Are you still associating with this couple?
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