One of my cows is really sick. Help me please.

She does seem a little puny this morning, Gus--have you changed her feed recently? Do you keep salt licks readily available in the fields? I'm sure you have your livestocks' best interests at heart, but you have to be very vigilant, and assure that you meet all of their needs promptly.

hmmm, puzzling. very very puzzling. try garlick. back in Slovakia it works for every ailment. yup.

I'd worry a bit more about the other cows that've been feeding upon her.

Mad! At the academy they said I was Mad! But... I'll show them! MwuahHaHaHaHaHaHa chortle chortle...wheeze.

Maybe she just needs a little water?

are the vultures hungry?

Yeah, I think she's a bit dehydrated.

I think she looks svelt. The Bulls in NYC pay big money for that heroin chic look in a cow. Put her on the corner dude.

How does she keep that slim figure?

Atkins diet?

Mad cow disease...?

They say your cow is crazy
it doesn't graze on grass and wheat
her brain is filled with holes
which make her tainted meat
Her feed contains ingredients
not fit for cow or man
you can't feed your cow meat you know
she's a vegetarian

I don't know what you all are rambling about, looks fine to me.

mmmm... Ribs! Slap a little BBQ sauce on her and she'll be just fine.

If you set yourself a trap, you may be able to catch a couple of those Buzzards for your supper.

A popsicle stick and a helium balloon ought to - Oh, never mind.

I think you ought to start looking for a new wife.

is that what happened to the 'borden' cow?

looks like your cow's on crack gus..... we have an excellent residential treatment program for her here in orlando..

Its a norwegian milk Cow, lovely cow the Norwegian. Its probably just pinin for the fjords.
your pasture looks a little thin , could use some fertilizer. Id use an organic fertilizewr like some ground bone. Have any?

I'd like to thank everyone here for their advice and concern. It really helped me through a very traumatic time in my life.

Guys and gals, the outpouring of love I'm feeling from all of you is almost too much for me to handle. I read your concerned replies and I had to, well.... damn it, I had to cry.

I sat back in my chair and wailed like a baby. "Where would I be without my friends from A2K, I thought.

Eventually I composed myself and said, "Damn it, Gus, it's time to get to work.

I tossed prodigious amounts of water on the cow, as advised by littlek and Roger. Next, I sprinkled some Acme Organic Ground Bone Fertilizer in the area right around her. (good call, farmerman)

I purchased a popsicle stick and a helium balloon from the hardware store, as advised by edgarblythe, but I wasn't quite sure what to do with them. I'll save them for the next party at the VFW.

But I'll have to say that dagmaraka is a friggin' genius! Acting upon her advice, I sprinkled "garlick" on and around the fallen beast.

To my surprise , the animal started to stir, and moments later attempted to struggle to its feet. I raced to the house and called Doc Lepistuder.

He's out there now attending to her...



Doc told me, "Gus, if it wasn't for your friends coming to you and Bessie in your darkest hour, you probably would have lost this magnificent creature. Consider yourself a lucky man."

Err Gus, you might want to call over Rev McAllister with some holy water too. Bessie has now joined the undead....



....and is probably flying outside your window even as I type this.

Been nice knowing you.