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Wed 13 Apr, 2011 10:58 am
Are you in an abusive relationship and have just accepted that this is how it is, and you have decided to stay in this place? Today I want to talk about why women stay in abusive relationships. We all know that there are many forms of abuse, and many people have been killed, or have had nervous breakdowns as a result.
Some women stay in abusive situations because they feel that they cannot do any better. Their self-image has been torn down completely too where they don't see anything positive about themselves. Some women think that they can't make it if they leave the person that is abusing them. Why women stay in abusive relationships may be crazy to a lot of people; but if you are a person who came into the relationship with low self-esteem, and if you don't know who you are; you will allow anyone to manipulate and control you. This is the mindset of the abused. However, I want to speak to you today "Woman of Purpose", you have been created for a reason...You were not designed to be abused! There is more in you than you know; and the person who is abusing you is aware of the ability that lies beneath the abuse that he has put on you.
Maybe you're the abuser...what happened to you in your childhood (because that is where the root started) that would cause you to degrade women in such a fashion. Do you hate yourself? Most men who abuse women have been neglected or abused themselves; and the only way that they know how to get satisfaction from what they have experienced is to take out their frustrations on the person that they are with.
Many couples don't realize this, but abuse is an illness! The behavior of an abuser originates from a place of pain and suffering; and it has must be dealt with or the behavior will continue. I have known men who have abused their wives physically and verbally because of what they saw in the interactions between their own parents. And if the victimized child does not receive the help, or the guidance that is needed, there is a possibility that the child will grow up and duplicate what he saw.
Maybe you're a person who feels that you can't support yourself or your children...and you feel that if you let this person go you can't make it. I want you to know that you can, and you will survive! Nothing is impossible for a person who has determined to make a change. When I was a child my mother was a victim of abuse; I saw my mother leave that abusive situation, and raise four girls--guess what? We made it, we survived; and we are thriving today because of the decision that she made to leave the situation that she was in.
If you are a woman who has chosen to stay with her mate and he has been abusive, get help...and if he will not get the help that he needs, make the decision to move on. Maybe you are a man reading this article...if you don't feel that you can make a change, let her go; and then you get the help that you need so that you can be healed; and when all has been said and done--what is meant to be, will be!
I am not in an abusive relationship, but I have talked to women who were.
They stay because of:
financial security
status (being married to a prominant man)
they are being threatened, physically
there is the threat of children being taken way from her
afraid of being alone
lack of legal help
poor self esteem
she thinks he will change
@PUNKEY,
One that is related to poor self esteem but which deserves its own bullet point is:
They are victims, they do not feel right unless they are being victimized, and thus they demand their partners be abusers.
@hawkeye10,
Or they could be truly in love.
Nothing bad against my wife but I know for a fact that I could give her a black eye a fat lip and throw her down the stairs and nobody would ever hear a word of it. Not because Ive done it, but because of other circumstances that allowed her to prove the extents as to which I could get away with... and its quite refreshing to be completely secure in a relationship. knowing that neither of you will ever leave the other. No matter what.
Or lol they simply have that victim mind set
@lockeWiggins,
Quote:Or they could be truly in love.
No, I am talking about the people who try to provoke their partner into being abusive because they need it, and who often will go so far as to leave if their partner refuses. These people fly under the radar in a culture where it is assumed that the dynamic is all the fault of the one who abuses, but having been in the sexual abuse survivor community for a number of years I know better.
@hawkeye10,
No i get what your saying, having been in a relationship like that I know there are some people out there like that just providing multiple reasons for a common problem.
@Mame,
Dont know the guy but after reading a few of his post he makes alot of sense. I like the way you and your cronies deamonize him for having a realistic opinion on things. Yes its easy to be the guy saying rape is bad, while everyone around you pats you on the back and invites you into the bandwagon. Its difficult to take a step back and take a realistic unbiased look at the situation in the pursuit of fairness and equality and I commend him for it.
(This is off of reading about 20 pages of a "can a girl asked to be raped" forum
@lockeWiggins,
lockeWiggins wrote:
Or they could be truly in love.
Nothing bad against my wife but I know for a fact that I could give her a black eye a fat lip and throw her down the stairs and nobody would ever hear a word of it. Not because Ive done it, but because of other circumstances that allowed her to prove the extents as to which I could get away with... and its quite refreshing to be completely secure in a relationship. knowing that neither of you will ever leave the other. No matter what.
Or lol they simply have that victim mind set
You are just plain nuts! Abusing your wife is not truly love, it's sick, sick
and sick again. People like you are in the military which scares the heck out
of me.
@CalamityJane,
Quote:You are just plain nuts! Abusing your wife is not truly love, it's sick, sick
and sick again
I am sure in the same way that I am sick to you, in part because I have said that I will sexually play only with women who I have reason to think would never or almost never run to the cops or the victims shelter with complaints . There are a great many of us who still believe that the Government has no business being in our bedrooms nor our relationships, and we choose to associate only with others who feel likewise.
We live in a age where a nut job can make an accusation of being a victim and thus ruin the lives of those he/she accuses. Smart people stay away from others who are likely to do that, and strongly discourage the practice at all turns.
Men sometimes confuse the idea of really playful, rough, more rough. Some like to be the dominator.
But THAT is not "abusive" behavior.
Oh yeah, add "gets attention, no matter that it is negative" to my list.
There is another reason women stay in an abusive relationship.
They are waiting for their chance to get out.
Like everything in life, it's a matter of timing.
"Their chance" meaning when they have some means of moving, having a job, a place to live.
They are biding their time.
Meantime, I'm sniffy re our thread poster, the one who posted a scribe.
@hawkeye10,
Quote:There are a great many of us who still believe that the Government has no business being in our bedrooms nor our relationships.....
Unfortunately, this is true and the statistics about spousal rape and abuse
are very telling. I wish that one day all these abused women have the courage to leave their bastard husbands and have them thrown in jail where they belong.
Quote:We live in a age where a nut job can make an accusation of being a victim and thus ruin the lives of those he/she accuses. Smart people stay away from others who are likely to do that, and strongly discourage the practice at all turns.
Wrong! Smart people do not physically abuse nor do they get into situations where they could be accused of a crime. If you rape and abuse your wife,
you're not smart - you're as dumb as a donkey..not to insult the donkey.
@CalamityJane,
Quote:I wish that one day all these abused women have the courage to leave their bastard husbands and have them thrown in jail where they belong.
you say that even though we know that women lie, we know that so far as relationship agression goes women give as good as they get although women are more emotionally harming and men are more pysically harming, some of us know that some women not only provoke but demand to be abused .
Quote:Smart people do not physically abuse nor do they get into situations where they could be accused of a crime.
The definition of abuse is constantly shifting in one direction, and has gotten silly, so I dont agree that smart people do not abuse. I think smart people stand up for themselves, and go after what they want, which according to the standards of our victim culture normally means that they are abusive. As for never being in a position of allowing an allegation, that is impossible to do, and trying deprives one of much of life. When was the last time you tried to prove that you did not do something when only one other person was in the room, and they claim you did? The only way around this is always make sure that you never get into a space with only one person, make sure that you have two, because it is unlikely that both will say the same lie at the same time, or have the same whacked out perceptions..
@hawkeye10,
Well it never happened to me or anyone I know, and we all have been in rooms where there is just one other person present. Hawkeye, you are what
you surround yourself with. I have never in my life encountered people you're speaking of, and I probably never will.
Yes, women lie, but they almost never do, when they're abused, raped and
beaten. For every woman who is the aggressor, there are 20 men lined up
to be far worse. Don't try to make yourself a victim, you're the perpetrator!
@CalamityJane,
Quote:For every woman who is the aggressor, there are 20 men lined up
to be far worse
Science was not allowed to look at this for a long time, but research so far shows that women are NO better than men when it comes to abuse and coercion. Women do not get hit more then men, the only difference is that men do more damage. and women do more and worse emotional abuse then the men do. Womens claims to victim status get very shaky once facts are used to determine the reality. The claim of womens victim status relies more on womens superior ability at emotional manipulation than it does on facts. There are very good reasons why the feminists go to such lengths as they do to bury the facts.
I'm not arguing right now, but I'm curious re the first post. Sort of a wellwrit promo. Perhaps a viral take.
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:
Quote:...but research so far shows that women are NO better than men when it comes to abuse and coercion.
Let's see the research!!
Quote: Over the last twenty-five years, leading sociologists have repeatedly found that men and women commit violence at similar rates.
The 1977 assertion that “the phenomenon of husband battering” is
as prevalent as wife abuse is confirmed by nationally representative
studies, such as the Family Violence Surveys, as well as by numerous other sources.
However, despite the wealth and diversity of the sociological research and the consistency of the findings, female violence is not recognized within the extensive legal literature on domestic violence. Instead, the literature consistently suggests that
only men commit domestic violence. Either explicitly, or more often
implicitly, through the failure to address the subject in any objective
manner, female violence is denied, defended and minimized.
http://www.law.fsu.edu/journals/lawreview/downloads/304/kelly.pdf
This information was in the rape thread from several different studies...you my dear did not pay attention in class....
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