10
   

wife cheated and it turns me on?

 
 
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 12:21 pm
I have been married for 4 years and with my wife a total of 8 years. About a year ago I looked in her email and found an email she sent to a guy saying "I'm good how are your wife and kids". I didnt know the guy so I sent him an email asking how he knew my wife. He stated he used to work with her. I asked him if there was Anything I needed to know about her and he told me everything. He slept with her twice before we were married. He told me what they did and where. At first I was furious, upset, disappointed and angry. I talked with her about it and she came clean. About a week went by and i found it to be turning me on. So i asked her to tell me about it again and again. It's all I can think about. I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that but I just want her to keep telling me about it and i want all the details. She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it. How can I get her to open up to me and tell me all the detAils I am craving to hear?
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Type: Question • Score: 10 • Views: 11,723 • Replies: 85

 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 12:44 pm
@jfred4451,
There is a whole lifestyle revolving around this dynamic, called the Hotwifing/cuckolding scene.

You can start here
http://ourhotwives.org/forum/

these folks can put you in the right direction.
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  0  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:18 pm
@jfred4451,
jfred4451 wrote:

I have been married for 4 years and with my wife a total of 8 years. About a year ago I looked in her email and found an email she sent to a guy saying "I'm good how are your wife and kids". I didnt know the guy so I sent him an email asking how he knew my wife. He stated he used to work with her. I asked him if there was Anything I needed to know about her and he told me everything. He slept with her twice before we were married. He told me what they did and where. At first I was furious, upset, disappointed and angry. I talked with her about it and she came clean. About a week went by and i found it to be turning me on. So i asked her to tell me about it again and again. It's all I can think about. I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that but I just want her to keep telling me about it and i want all the details. She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it. How can I get her to open up to me and tell me all the detAils I am craving to hear?
I'm not surprised she left... I'm surprised she came back...

Did you hear about that guy that walk in on his wife in bed with another man... He said: What the hells going on here???!!!
And his wife said: See; I told you he was stupid!!!
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:27 pm
@Fido,
Quote:
I'm not surprised she left... I'm surprised she came back...
Please point out the words from fred that indicate this set of facts, as I must be having comprehension problems today...
parados
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:29 pm
@hawkeye10,
You must be having comprehension problems hawkeye

Quote:
I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:32 pm
@parados,
Quote:
You must be having comprehension problems hawkeye
His wife has not even had sex with another guy so long as they have been married so far as I can see, and you have it that his wife left and then came back? It is not me who is not comprehending.
parados
 
  2  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:46 pm
@jfred4451,
Quote:
I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that but I just want her to keep telling me about it and i want all the details. She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it. How can I get her to open up to me and tell me all the detAils I am craving to hear?

You want to know intimate details about her past life that she doesn't feel good about. You also are sexually excited about things she doesn't feel good about.

Those 2 things could be a disaster waiting to happen.

In a normal relationship, it isn't uncommon to share things with your significant other. But when you share something you feel bad about, you are looking for sympathy and understanding. She feels bad. You should sympathize. If you want her to bare her soul but you aren't willing to take her feelings into account then it isn't going to go well. You can't force her to feel differently.

I would suggest you forget about her past indiscretions. Find some other way to deal with this that she would enjoy as much as you. Role play perhaps? 2 Cents
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:46 pm
@parados,
parados wrote:

You must be having comprehension problems hawkeye

Quote:
I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that

He is right in regard to myself... I did misread it reading it too quickly... Sorry all...
0 Replies
 
parados
 
  2  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:48 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
His wife has not even had sex with another guy so long as they have been married so far as I can see


Now stop and think about the site you sent him to.

Comprende?
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:52 pm
@parados,
Quote:
She feels bad. You should sympathize
Depends if he would actually want to to play around with other guys while married to him. If so it would be productive to look into why she feels bad. If it is only some learned behavior that she is not invested in the husband encouraging her to be with other guys, or at least fantasizing about it, could get her to relieve herself of that guilt and enjoy the experience, which he then would also enjoy.

Snooping in Email, calling the other guy...bad moves. They do not encourage the trust that must exist to play these high powered erotic games.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:56 pm
@parados,
Quote:
Now stop and think about the site you sent him to.
He is not going to get a sensitive ear from people with experience in such matters here, I provided direction to a place better able to meet his needs.
Joe Nation
 
  6  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 01:58 pm
Quote:
I have been married for 4 years and with my wife a total of 8 years. (I can't figure out the math here.) About a year ago I looked in her email and found an email she sent to a guy saying "I'm good how are your wife and kids".
I didnt know the guy so I sent him an email asking how he knew my wife. He stated he used to work with her.
I asked him if there was Anything I needed to know about her and he told me everything.
He slept with her twice before we were married. (My emphasis)
He told me what they did and where.
At first I was furious, upset, disappointed and angry.
(What is he pissed about? That she had sex before they were married?)I talked with her about it and she came clean.
(Something's missing here. SHE doesn't have anything to 'come clean' about. HE's the one who was sneaking around in her emails.)About a week went by and i found it to be turning me on. So i asked her to tell me about it again and again. It's all I can think about. I don't want her to be with another man or anything like that but I just want her to keep telling me about it and i want all the details.
(Really a stand-up guy. Get help) :-(She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it. How can I get her to open up to me and tell me all the detAils I am craving to hear?
(How about you listen when she says she feels uncomfortable. That would be nice.)

Does anyone see what a jerk this guy is?
He reads her emails!
He contacts the other guy and finds out about something that didn't happen while he and his wife were married and he STILL confronts her about it???
And now wants to hear her talk about it because it turns HIM on???

She needs to get out of there and away from him ASAP.
Joe(jeeeeesh)Nation
parados
 
  2  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 02:20 pm
@hawkeye10,
Experience in what matters are you talking about hawkeye?

You sent him to a site where men WANT their wives to have sex with other men. You still seem to not comprehend what the OP said.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 02:23 pm
@parados,
Quote:
You sent him to a site where men WANT their wives to have sex with other men
No, many only fantasize about it. Many dont have this kind of relationship yet but would like to, they often ask for pointers about how to move their wives where they want them to go, which is where this guy is at. At A2K he will only be told that this is morally wrong and that he should be ashamed of himself, which is not helpful.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 02:40 pm
@Joe Nation,
Joe, stop making sense, you're disrupting the thread.

I was going to mention the "they weren't married" bit too, but then I remembered another thread from a while back.

The one where the young woman broke up with her BF for, I don't know, a month or something, and during that time had drunken sex with a guy at a party. She got back together with BF, and discovers drunken sex partner is now pretty good friends with BF.
Basically she asked "Oh dear, should I tell him?" Most of us ornery been around the block a few times types said "**** No! Whatsa matta you?" Then the idealistic members came on saying she should tell and then talk about it and work on trust issues and all kinds of other **** like that. I remember being told that "I'm glad I'm not married to YOU!", because I'm obviously a really shitty wife and everything.

The point is, I'm not going to get involved in this discussion, you know?
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 02:50 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
The point is, I'm not going to get involved in this discussion, you know?
Relationships are a snake pit when you impose other peoples morality requirements on them. If we can find someone who is willing to put up with us over the long hall we are 3/4 of the way home. If we are going to start making a basketfull of other demands we would save a lot a trouble by living a life a solitude and celibacy, cause it ain't going to work.
0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  5  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 04:21 pm
@Joe Nation,
Not understanding the math pretty much undermines a significant portion of your post. He didn't marry his wife the day they met, but rather four years after that. Add four years of marriage and you have eight years total.

It follows then that she cheated on him in that four-year dating/engagement period. I won't speak for anyone but myself, but in a relationship in which there is presumably the kind of commitment and trust upon which a couple eventually bases their decision to spend the rest of their lives together, such a significant breach of that trust is kind of a big deal.

I would be super pissed. I know a lot of people who wouldn't like it if the person they were dating fucked somebody else. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone who would be cool with that.

That he also deceived her by checking her email is noted. But he didn't stick his dick inside the computer. She likely isn't worried about him one day running off with the computer or leaving her for it. She isn't wondering whether he truly believes in the concept of marriage.

Not confronting his wife about it directly was a questionable approach, yes, but are you really criticizing him for acting irrationally after making this kind of discovery? A jerk?

I suspect quite a bit of listening and understanding was required of him to ultimately forgive his wife, which he has, and make the marriage work. In fact that takes the kind of understanding a lot of people aren't able to muster.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 04:27 pm
@Gargamel,
Gargamel wrote:
He didn't marry his wife the day they met, but rather four years after they married.


oh boy, everybody is confused, he married her four years into their now 8 year relationship

he might have been better to have done it like the couple in Belle & Sebastian's A Century of Elvis song

I said that I would tell him about me and wee Karen, and how it was that we'd come to be living there. I thought he probably liked the fact that we were living there because he came round so much, so I thought he might want to know how it was that it came about. We did it all over backwards, I told him. First of all we got to know each other, and then a while after that we met, and when we'd known each other for about seven years we decided to have an anniversary, and that went quite well, so after the anniversary we had a honeymoon, and that went well too, so after that we decided that we would get married. That's why we're living there now.
jfred4451
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 04:31 pm
@parados,
going on forward, in our married relationship, I do not want my wife to be with another man is what I meant, this is our past and there is nothing I can do about the past.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2011 04:31 pm
pssstt....hey joe, garg's one of those newlyweds....

15 years from now he'll just delete all those types of emails when he sees them in his wife's inbox. Problem solved.
 

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