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Fri 11 Feb, 2011 02:04 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. We met in college and immediately clicked. I was surprised how fast we fell for each other since neither of us were looking for anything serious. He was like my best friend, we laughed, joked, did everything together. I felt more connected to him than anyone else I had been with before. So, we both decided we wanted to continue the relationship even after leaving college for the summer. We have been apart for 8 months now, since the summer. We both took a year off to save up some money. We live 2 hours away driving distance. Its been quite hard for us to see eachother especially with our conflicting schedules. He usually always works weekends and that is the only time I have off. Lately we only get to see each other every two weeks but skype in betwen those times. Also, he lost his license (for speeding) right about the time that we had parted from each other, making it even more difficult to see one another. So I do all the driving in the relationship at the moment, which is not enjoyable. Not that I complain about it, actually I'm quite used to it, but it still sucks. I also commute to work an hour to and from every day.
But lately I've been feeling so distant from him, like I dont feel the strong connection I once had with him. It has been weighing heavily on my mind. We have gotten in a few fights in the past few months that I feel like have been deteriorating our relationship. He would just lie to me about stupid stuff, like going out with his friends when he said he was going to bed, just to avoid conflict. It was quite disappointing since something like that has happened a few other times. Its not like he's lying about being with another girl or anything, I just think to myself, what a stupid thing to lie about, why cant you just tell me the truth? So....I realized ever since the last fight I just dont feel like I'm as in love with him as I once was. I dont enjoy sex as much, he doesnt seem as funny as he once was, and noticing all this is making me so sad...I know I'm not the same girl I was a year ago, I've done a lot of growing up. I have a lot more responsibility now. I love him so much as a person still, he is a great guy and I want to rediscover those feelings once more but dont know if it is possible? I just want to know if anyone has any advice on this? Could this just be the distance talking or is this something I really have to worry about? He does know my feelings about this, but I'm just so confused on what to do now....
Long distance relationships ARE hard. How old are you two?
PS - Why did he lose his license? For ONE speeding ticket? That doesn't sound right. Does he have a history of bad driving?
You inner voice is telling you that you are maturing, and he is not. Please pay attention to that . . .
@vdubrox,
Y did u choose a screename that is
IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce ?
David
@vdubrox,
I have been having a similar problem with my boyfriend, I've been with him for a year now, and it's really hard, being apart. I moved from Vermont to Indiana due to an emergency and he stayed in Vermont since he's in college. I think that what may be best, (which was best for me and my boyfriend,) would be to give each other space for a while. Like a week or two, give him a chance to miss you. Because maybe at that point you guys could find each other again. I gave my boyfriend space for about a week and he came right back to me.
His problem he says, was that he would lie to me about what he's doing so I wouldn't get angry and cause more stress in his already stressful life. Try to be his support system...let him initiate communication.
We have since then, decided to call it quits. More so me then him. I feel like it would both benefit us if we were single. We both cried together like all weekend because it deeply hurt both of us to make this decision. I care about him more than anything and he is my best friend, but I feel like it would hurt him more if I kept pretending I was happy and "in love" when I clearly wasnt. I know he is still crazy about me, but I cant play with his heart like this, I respect him too much as a person. This saddens me deeply. I finally found a guy with the most amazing qualities who would do anything for me, yet I have fallen out of love with him. I hate to think that he will find someone else, but I cant keep him from being happy with someone else later in life who could give him more then I ever could, even though it hurts me to even say that. We have such a strong bond though, that I feel like he will be in my life for a while. He's been such a rock for me through hard times, and so have I for him.
I also feel like since I have been completely honest with my feelings and upfront, he will remember that about me. This would be so much easier if he was a jerk! but its not. I just want whats best for both of us, even if it kills me to make the decision...If anyone has any advice for me it'd be much appreciated.
@PUNKEY,
Im 20, hes 19 soon to be 20. No he got like 3 speeding tickets...I was pretty upset about that. But he has since gotten it back, just wont have a car for a little bit. Yes Im trying to listen to what my heart is telling me what is right, even though it is very very difficult to deal with....
@wouldyoulikethat,
we had been together a year and a few months, but apart since college for 8 months. A long distance relationship puts so much unneeded stress on both parties that I would not do it again. I would work on us, I really tried. But trying to get that spark back just doesnt happen no matter how much you want it to. Sometimes, even though it hurts to say, a relationship has run its course and served its purpose. I know we have both learned and grown from this as people and will continue to learn as we are apart. I just care about him too much to hurt him. Thank you for the reply. I hope your relationship works out for the best.
Well, you did the right thing - and you were honest with him.
Sometimes you have to let things go for them to come back to you. So if this is meant to be, then it will, later.
You have a chance to see a whole new world and see have interactions with other people - includng other men. But don't be too quick to get involved again.
Stand alone for a while and look at the scene. It's called "looking from the mountaintop". Just observe and take it all in.
This is a good chance to figure out what you want later in your life. You may or may not come full circle around to him again.
Good luck!!
@PUNKEY,
Yes if it was meant to be it will happen again for both of us. Its really hard to let go of someone who has had such a huge influence on your life, especially a great guy...We're both not seeing other people for a while, we're both hurting from this and think we need time to just be single and find out what we want out of life and who we are a bit more. I know its the right decision, but it still sucks..thanks so much for the advice!
We're going to see Dispatch this coming summer so I hope its not awkward for us...we love the group so it should be a good time either way.
@vdubrox,
Congratulation on being adult enough to do the hard thing the right way. There are a lot of good people who would have failed that test.
@engineer,
thanks. I wish it didnt hurt so bad to make the right decision and be mature about it lol. Its sad to see something that could have been great wilt and die because of distance. Hope everything works out
Don't close the door completely.
Sometimes the best path to someone is NOT a straight line.
You both need to go out and explore things and have more expereinces where you live. Then, if things work out, re-connect with each other and see what happens.
@PUNKEY,
I dont think either of us will completely close the door on one another. We've been talking, maybe a little too much for our own good. Even if we cant be together and I dont feel the same way doesnt mean it wont ever work out. We both have different paths we have to go right now. Maybe it will work out between us later on in life, or maybe not. But hes a great guy and we both appreciate one another very much and have helped each other grow. It will be tough to move on still but I'll leave a part of my heart open for him in case one day we can reconnect again. Thanks for all the support guys
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