Proxima - that's a load of bull. Discipline does not lead to hatred. In fact, boundaries are important and when reasonable and well-played more often lead to respect.
blach11 - Have you expressed to your wife how unhappy YOU are in the marriage. If she's not too far gone she might budge if she knows you're thinking about leaving and taking the kids. On the other hand, maybe she is that far gone. I like to lean of Glasser's Reality Therapy questions:
What do you want?
What are you doing to get it?
What is working? What is not?
Based on the above, what's your plan?