@peter jeffrey cobb,
A lot of us are very angry with a different "crazy" guy right now--not with you. My recent rants about Loughner have nothing to do with you personally. I don't think schizophrenia has to end that horribly or that schizophrenics naturally tend towards horrible acts. (Hell, I'm not even a psychologist, so I don't know whether he was even schizophrenic.) They feed off the negativity around them. There can be a lot of acrimony, invective and hostility at this site
, and you might want to consider spending some time away from it.
As you seem to enjoy debates about religion, you might try reading C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy. I only ended up reading the first in that series, Out of the Silent Planet
, because there was too much dry, reasoned debate and not enough violent, dramatic tension in the series. But, based on what you have told us about yourself, quiet reasoned religious debates, unfolding in the more scenic locales of our solar system may be just what you need right now to ease your mind. Or watch a bit of Animal Planet--but not the "rescue" shows, because those are just awful.