Husband / Wife

When you get married, your spouse does not become your property or your
prisoner. Spying on your spouse means you do not trust her/him and trust
is one of the fundamentals in a marriage. Without trust you will have a rough
marriage.

A marriage is a bond between two people who share their trust, love, and loyalty with each other. You have to learn to respect your partner's privacy instead of being obsessively dependent on your lover. Like the person above said; you'll have a rocky relationship without trust, because trust helps keep a solid foundation in a relationship. Your mind can be at ease if you allow your partner to do their own activities once in a while instead of causing unnecessary stress upon yourself and to your spouse. Trusting your spouse completely can save so much trouble, time, and effort. Maybe instead of obsessing over what your partner is doing when she goes out for yoga class or shopping, try doing some of your own activities that offers relaxation or go to an event that interests you. That way, you'll be occupied and you may have new experiences. Spouses aren't supposed to be together all the time; they can both still be independent individuals that still need privacy once in a while with their own needs. Your spouse can still have a life while married to you, there's nothing wrong with it and it's actually healthy for a relationship. As long as you both spend time with eachother to talk and connect everyday, then I see nothing wrong with her leaving the house.

Your question is quite vague. Do you want to know what people think about :
-you wanting to know what your spouse is doing every second of the day, or
- your spouse wanting to know what you do every second of the day, or
- a generic question about either spouse wanting to know what the other spouse is doing, or
- how to go about spying on your spouse?

yall dont hug and youre using the camera phone in the bathroom, but want to hire a spy?
what?

There's no way that any of those things are ok. My husband and I both have very strong feelings about respecting each others privacy.... as the others have said , trust is a very powerful thing in a marriage. I get so sad when I hear of people reading their partner's emails or checking their phone messages. It's pathetic.

Mona,

What would you do if your husbands behaviour started changing - not just towards you, but his going out habits, or how late he works back at work?..and then you started to think maybe he is being deceptive, but all his reasons check out, yet you have a hunch that he is seeing another woman?

Trust is very important, and trust is also conditional.

Well I admit my situation is perhaps not the norm. Because of my husband's work we spend along periods apart and we both have ample opportunity to screw other people if we wanted to - but we never ask each other or discuss it at all. It's mutual and its unspoken and its a strength. Obviously every relationship and situation is unique but I've seen family members and at least one friend push their partners away with their paranoia and their spying when they would have achieved their aims much better by putting their time and energy into fixing what was wrong with their relationship in the first place.

With the information given, my opinion about a spouse who wants to know what the other does every time he/she steps outside the home is that this spouse has no business being in an adult relationship - let alone a marriage.

But what if things only LATELY took a major change?
And that the spouse, as someone else said, was just starting to do some really odd things?
Things were good before, communication always open, never a feeling of mistrust, never an odd behavior..

but all of a sudden.. ?

Im gathering that English is NOT the OP's first language so the question comes off rather harsh, but the general idea is that there is something going on and the OP is not sure how to handle it. And which idea would be best to get to the bottom of his situation.

That does happen doesn't it. Usually that happens because the 'paranoid' partner does not know how to handle the situation.

I've also seen a 'paranoid' guy who's spouse had actually cheated on him, and the spouse, who gave him no reason to not be paranoid (ie. she still flirted with other men) blamed him for his paranoia and moved out. That is to say - you may or may not have been getting the full picture (it's always hard to say).

That said, it is always better to build towards something, than to tear things down based on feelings of fear.

Is that a picture of you? You are quite lovely.


As to the topic, trust is probably the most important factor in any relationship. Trust between a husband and wife is essential. I trust my husband with my life and he does the same with me. I really hope you can work through this.

Obviously hiring private investigators is way out of line, but I wouldn't necessarily take offence at the request of a cell phone being kept switched on (although it isn't something I'd argue for).

I don't blame people for their needs, even if polar to my own, because at the end of the day reality is difference.