Now the Truth

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the truth falls out of your silence like birdshit from the skies-
do you boast of your conquests in men's clubs? casual lies
came out like the gospel of a prophet; such a disguise
you chose to hide behind, pretending not to hear the cries
of the innocent hearts you raped. you offer no good-byes
for the victim who is less than human to you. love dies
even from neglect, let alone when it is murdered. flies
collect in wounds and the sockets of corpses' empty eyes
and leave their eggs to hatch into maggots; speechless likewise
your condescending pseudo concerns will metastasize
into a cancer that spreads like a web of doubt the size
of texas, dark enough to forever block the sunrise.
there is no demon within, no need to exorcise
the evil beast. Time, at last - the fool's mercy - unties
the blindfold, exposing you so all may recognize
the false self you shamelessly market like merchandise.

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@salima,

This has a pretty strong feeling towards the person you are talking about Salima. Thanks for posting.

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@salima,

i know-it's an old one from when i was a jilted lover. i have long since grown up enough not to react that way, but i thought it still had some use for showing the kind of images a person can conjure up when they have been neglected. it shows what happens when you expect something out of a relationship even though it wasnt promised to you, and the anger is most likely really directly at the self-angry at having been a fool. indeed, not pretty sentiments, are they? i mean nobody can really be as bad as this makes the poor joker out to be, can they?

which brings to mind another question. we can never never really know what the other person is thinking, can we? the main pain comes from imagining what that person may be saying about us to someone else, are they laughing and enjoying the joke they played? are they happy to imagine we have been hurt? or have they completely forgotten the incident? yet we hold it close to us and allow it to infect our festering wounds. is it possible the fellow is writhing in guilt now? or does he not realize that what he thought would be a casual two or three month affair seemed like a long term relationship to her?
we can never really know.

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@salima,

Well if people are nasty about me behind my back that's their problem and their loss. I couldn't care less what people like that say about me, I only feel pity for them and I move on. Smile

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@Caroline,

A lovers scorn or uncaring action can be so cruel and poison your being for ever.Was i ever so cruel? Oh I do hope not.I can only recall the pain of a lovers betrayal and how it weakened my resolve.
Is there a women ,a grandmother, who remembers my uncaring attention,I pray not.I beg their forgiveness, if my youth was not perfect.

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@salima,

i have spent a lot of time following emotions to see where they lead-i like to allow them to get out of proportion and observe what happens. this is not the same as being an independent observer however, because i do become truly immersed in the emotional tidal waves while they are raging. but i think this is where poetry and all art comes from-would there have been any art at all if not for emotion?

these days i am not able to conjure up much violent emotion-to be safe, negative feelings like grief can be followed slightly deeper each time, but of course being gradually a further experience. it is to me better than watching a television or movie-i find both tragedy and comedy in myself; it helps in the understanding of others as well. and just like with television, if i become bored or too overcome to the point of being unable to bear it, i change the channel or shut it off. took some doing, but i am getting pretty good at it.

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@salima,

salima;83372 wrote:

i have spent a lot of time following emotions to see where they lead-i like to allow them to get out of proportion and observe what happens. this is not the same as being an independent observer however, because i do become truly immersed in the emotional tidal waves while they are raging. but i think this is where poetry and all art comes from-would there have been any art at all if not for emotion?

these days i am not able to conjure up much violent emotion-to be safe, negative feelings like grief can be followed slightly deeper each time, but of course being gradually a further experience. it is to me better than watching a television or movie-i find both tragedy and comedy in myself; it helps in the understanding of others as well. and just like with television, if i become bored or too overcome to the point of being unable to bear it, i change the channel or shut it off. took some doing, but i am getting pretty good at it.

Be careful it does not make you harden towards others.

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@xris,

xris;83398 wrote:

Be careful it does not make you harden towards others.

dont worry xris-actually that already happened in my very long history but i got over it. remember the song I Am a Rock by simon and garfunkel? i managed to totally turn to stone while i was yet a teen-ager, but decided if that was the price to pay for not being hurt it wasnt worth living. actually it was a sort of death. anyone who contemplates life issues deeply always runs the risk of going over the edge i think-fortunately i found my way back before it was too late.

very kind of you to be concerned, though. Smile

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@salima,

salima;83406 wrote:

dont worry xris-actually that already happened in my very long history but i got over it. remember the song I Am a Rock by simon and garfunkel? i managed to totally turn to stone while i was yet a teen-ager, but decided if that was the price to pay for not being hurt it wasnt worth living. actually it was a sort of death. anyone who contemplates life issues deeply always runs the risk of going over the edge i think-fortunately i found my way back before it was too late.

very kind of you to be concerned, though.

As you say, pain can be very revealing and it does colour your views.I can still remember those sickening moments of despair as she told me she did not want to see me again and the next one and the next.Now i cant even remember their names,those who i thought would kill me with a broken heart.
Lifes journey is interesting to say the least.Now as age takes its toll,I watch the young lovers and remember those sweet terrible times.

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@xris,

xris;83415 wrote:

As you say, pain can be very revealing and it does colour your views.I can still remember those sickening moments of despair as she told me she did not want to see me again and the next one and the next.Now i cant even remember their names,those who i thought would kill me with a broken heart.
Lifes journey is interesting to say the least.Now as age takes its toll,I watch the young lovers and remember those sweet terrible times.

you know, i really have to wonder if it affects all the same or are some immune even when young? does the first romance have to break our hearts because if it didnt we would never be able to love? i can remember the feeling at 14 of knowing how really alive i was fro the first time because of my very first love story.

the other funny thing about age is that it becomes even more intense, but wisdom allows us to recover sooner i think. i remember my mother after my father died (about 28 years ago) had a boy friend. she used to call me every sunday and relate to me all their trials and tribulations-good lord, like being in high school!

yet i know several stories of people who never recovered from their first romance. one young man was in the army around the time of korea and while he was away his girl friend (as he was told by someone not really looking out for his best interest) cheated on him. it may have been only a rumor or a lie, but he took it as truth. he lived his whole life alone after that, insofar as he never married or had another girl friend. he died at the age of 50 from cancer.

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@salima,

That's what happens if you let them win, you'll never love, never give your heart to someone else, never experience the sweet again.

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@Caroline,

So true Caroline,if i had let a certain women destroy my faith i would not have so many loving grandchildren.

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