******* Nomenclature
Since this is your first day of DKos Booming school, you HAVE to fight lets go over some important definitions and oilfield grammar. Rope is not rope. It is ******* rope. All of it. Every yard of rope is ******* rope. Every section of boom is ******* boom. An anchor block is not an anchor block. It is a ******* anchor block. You get the idea. Later, when you're accustomed to all of this, you can substitute "goddamed", "motherfucking", "piece-of-****-c*nt" (never understood that one myself) or "cocksucking" for *******. But for now, it's all *******.
******* Boom
Generally, boom is long and bright bright orange or yellow. It is not bright bright orange or yellow so you can see it, dear fledgling boomer, but so Governors, Senators, Presidents and The Media can see it. It has a round floaty part that floats, and a flat "skirt" that sinks. A RULE: the floaty part never floats high enough and the skirt never rides low enough. Some oil will ALWAYS go over the boom and some will ALWAYS go under it. Our task is to MINIMIZE both! We do that by ******* proper ******* booming. Here. This picture teaches you almost 100% of what you'll learn in DKos Booming School, about ******* proper ******* booming:
It's ******* obvious. Boom is not meant to contain or catch oil. Boom is meant to divert oil.
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So if you understand it, and all these production employees understand it (we're talking tens of thousands of people here), then why is most or all of the booming along the Gulf... being done wrong?
Great ******* Question, DKos Boomer!
1. The booming is being run by a company that concentrates on drilling and booming is for pussies. Production employees were not invited because they would just cause trouble. This is a drilling operation so just **** off.
2. There's not enough boom, rope nor anchor on this planet to properly boom the Northern Gulf of Mexico. There should be! It's not that much an expense! Really! It's not! They said they were ready! Having enough materials to perform ******* proper ******* booming, IS part of being ready! THEY'RE NOT READY! ARE THEY?
3. Governors, Senators, Presidents and most of all the Piece-Of-****-C*nt Media don't know what ******* proper ******* booming LOOKS LIKE! So you can just lay a single line of neon-glo-orange boom out parallel to the shore, for miles, with anchor points every quarter-mile to where a good part of it washes up onto the shore like a huge, dead, orange nightcrawler... and they won't know the difference! Where it manages to stay off the bank, a little two-foot chop you would let your kids frolic in will send all the oil either over or under it! ALL THE OIL! ON THE SHORE! IN THE REEDS! ON THE BEACH! IN THE NESTS! OIL! So what! It's not gonna make CNN send a single correspondent to booming school, is it?
Bobby Jindal doesn't know what he's doing here, guys. He's fighting an oil spill like a war or a flood. You block this pass off with these dirtbags and mounds of dirt, you're gonna kill this marsh. The life here evolved with the current that moves through this pass. Nutrients, oxygen... you're creating a slackwater zone in a marsh that is used to tides and current. There's little critters that keep the algae off the grass stems and reeds. They need oxygen and a specific salt-freshwater mix. They eat the algae and keep the grass healthy. You kill them and the marsh becomes a big flat of rotting vegitation. But... where did you get that dirt? 300 yards inland? That dirt's poison for this marsh. Couldn't be worse than if you brought it from Nebraska. It's alien ******* dirt in this environment. It's worse than the ******* oil. And Jindal will leave it here forever if we let him. Lets get that **** out of here and we'll all get together and lay some ******* proper ******* boom.
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Those pics are really from the passes of Louisiana -- a few days ago -- it's sickness. It is ******* insanity. In fairness, Bobby was begging BP for boom a few days ago. It's only just now arriving from Bumfuck Egypt or some ******* where, and not near enough of it. So maybe Governor Jindal thought he had to be doing something other than waiting on boom. Maybe ******* Coast Guard commandant, Adm. Thad Allen had no idea of what was going on with Governor Jindal because ******* Coast Guard commandant, Adm. Thad Allen was spending all his time reading BP-written talking points to the ******* media.
Quote:"Several, several options are being exhausted here," said Adm. Thad Allen, commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard. "We have engineers that are on scene in Houston with British Petroleum."
****. Me.
Obama. FIRE HIM! FIRE HIM OR **** YOU!
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******* Hazardous Materials Training
Okay. Hazardous Materials Training. Every Boomer needs it. Oil is like ******* Kryptonite. If any touches you, you have cancer. Bullshit. If you ******* boom, you're going to get oil on you. You'll live. You're not a Bottlenose Dolphin who gets a little in his lungs every time he surfaces to breath and then soon he can't breath. You're not a fish, getting its gills covered and the protective slime layer disolved from its sides. You're not a baby shrimp. You're not coral. You're not any form of marine life. If you were, oil might in fact be like Kryptonite. You're a human. Take a good shower after your shift and you'll be fine. Honest. This guy is a research biologist.
By the end of the day, he'll have oil all over himself. He'll eat oil with his tater chips for lunch. The fisheries guys have been going home covered in oil, every day, for weeks now. They shower. They're fine.
When BP was training the fishermen as boomers, that's what they trained. Hazardous Materials. To Vietnamese fellas. BP covers it's ass. Had them sign off on it. Didn't teach them anything about booming, but they had them a Hazardous Materials course. Told them not to kick alligators. They really did tell them that.
****. Me.
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