91
   

Oddities and Humor

 
 
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Wed 16 Sep, 2015 08:43 pm
http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/30-actual-sentences-found-in-patients-hospital-charts?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=hospitalchart&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2

30 Actual Sentences Found In Patients Hospital Charts.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

3. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by DR. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Sep, 2015 11:38 pm
I just realised that in a 100 years our old facebook posts will be used like this...
https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11891069_10153102383816179_232788596902456168_n.jpg?oh=b1c15c314b7d751486cc7a90a47aad9a&oe=56640748
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Thu 17 Sep, 2015 12:15 am
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/5b/53/0e/5b530e8a63bf5d00f95548ac9b7cf51b.jpg
0 Replies
 
eurocelticyankee
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Oct, 2015 04:11 pm
0 Replies
 
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Fri 9 Oct, 2015 01:33 am
http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb192/DinahFyre/11218890_10153582807432324_1008494296162342125_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  5  
Reply Fri 16 Oct, 2015 05:05 am
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/78/67/1f/78671f6fcfe05bac17b0a07b8eaa27bd.jpg
George
 
  2  
Reply Fri 16 Oct, 2015 06:17 am
@hingehead,
That'll turn your head.
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Tue 10 Nov, 2015 07:14 am
@George,
http://i64.tinypic.com/2n69r8p.png
It was once socially acceptable and surprisingly affordable to send children by parcel post
hingehead
 
  4  
Reply Wed 11 Nov, 2015 07:32 pm
You had one job....

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9e/2d/9b/9e2d9b2c39d3c50e8ac30cad27e3f4bd.jpg
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Nov, 2015 08:40 pm
@tsarstepan,
Wow.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2015 04:29 pm
@ossobuco,
These earthquake-proof beds will bury you alive in comfort

0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  3  
Reply Sun 20 Dec, 2015 05:44 pm
Its a Party




Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Partly
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name...
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 5, 2012
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 6, 2012
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
FBM
 
  2  
Reply Sun 20 Dec, 2015 07:14 pm
@edgarblythe,
http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb192/DinahFyre/icon_drunk.gif
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Sun 20 Dec, 2015 08:11 pm
@edgarblythe,
What a party; what a holiday! Can't complain; half day off.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 05:24 am


This is really amazing! Never would have believed it! You must try it and NO PEEKING!!!
this is so interesting.....try it

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
(i love this part.. its absolutely amazing!)
Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)




HOW MANY ???













WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.


The reasoning behind is further down.








The brain cannot process "OF".


Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!



Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy.!
And keep them occupied For several minutes..!
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 05:44 am
I got six. Do I get a prize?
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 05:46 am
@Roberta,
Wrong. There actually are 45.
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 06:17 am
@edgarblythe,
I got the square root of a negative number. I only got 6 after I divided by zero.
0 Replies
 
FBM
 
  3  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 06:22 am
Not particularly funny, but here it is. It's not unusual here in Korea for me to have more than one student with exactly the same name. Tonight I got a text from one of two (female) students named Lee Kyung Min, asking about some resource material. I started texting a reply, "As you know, there are two students with your name in our department. Are you the pretty one or the smart one?" *pause* DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE...
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Dec, 2015 07:01 am
@FBM,
...and destroy the hard drive.
0 Replies
 
 

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