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How far should parents interfere in teenagers' decisions ?

 
 
blouss
 
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:40 am
Well, my question is in the subject's title Wink
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 8,153 • Replies: 27
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:43 am
Hmm, perhaps a few 'from real life' examples might help us focus on the issue at hand. Welcome to A2K! Personally, I'm still young enough to remember being a teen, and old enough to be planning to have kids soon, maybe we can exchange some thoughts. Wink
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:47 am
Hum... I don't have examples. My question is just a "genarally question" to know people's opinion about that !
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Phoenix32890
 
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Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:48 am
blouss- Welcome to A2K! Very Happy

As cav intimated, you have left us in the dark. How old are these young people? What sorts of issues are you talking about?

Raising teenagers is a difficult proposition. A parent needs to be on a tightrope when kids are that age. There needs to be a balance of allowing the young people to "test their wings" and being there to make sure that they don't do something that would prove irrevocably harmful to them.

Also, what is appropriate for a 16 year old, may be out of bounds for a 13 year old!
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:51 am
Oh, it is fiddicult to me to express myself ... I think that I didn't write this message in the good "area" Confused
I just wanted to debate with people about that...
Can we debate here or I have to write my message on "philosophy on debate" ?
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:53 am
blouss, can I safely assume then that you are not a parent of teenagers, but a teen yourself?
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:54 am
Nope- You are in the right place. The problem is that there is no one right answer. The issue, and the age of the person makes a big difference.
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:55 am
I'm a teenager.
But I don't understand if a debate can be here or not ? Because my question talk about "parenting and childcare", isn't it ?
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:59 am
blouss- You are in the right place. It sounds like you are having some differences of opinion with your parents. If you would care to share your problem, maybe we would be able to help. We have people here of all ages, so you would get opinions from different viewpoints!
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 09:59 am
Actually blouss, I think it would be cool to debate things here, from your perspective. Parenting goes both ways. Feel free to express yourself, and we will answer the best way we can.
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:02 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
We have people here of all ages, so you would get opinions from different viewpoints!


Well, that's what I would like : different view points about this question Wink
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husker
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:06 am
what if other people go to your parents concerned about you? you are unwilling to share your problem with your parents?
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husker
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:08 am
my prior message got zapped - we had some massive 4 hour power outage and got some router\switch storms fooling around the guts of our network.
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:12 am
I don't have problems with my parents. I just would like to know différent view points : if yes or not parents should interfere in young people's decisions. That's all !..
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:12 am
We will need some specifics here, but just as a general opinion, parenting a teen must involve both some letting go of the baby you remember, tempered with some logical ground rules and regulations. Part of becoming an adult is learning to compromise. Some teens have it in spades, some parents have none whatsoever, and vice versa. Debate away blouss.
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cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:14 am
blouss, First of all, WELCOME to A2K. I'm not sure where parents should draw the line, because each child is different; some are more responsible than others. I think it's important to talk to them often, and let them know what your expectations are from early in their childhood. It's important to give children some free reign, but not disrespect of others. Good luck! You'll need it.
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husker
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:26 am
right now - I'm calling the school because this girl who is a bully had threatened to kill my daughter in the past and another girl also. and she had said halloween would be the pay back day for busting her. my kid is twisted about if we should step in and intervene for her saftey. Blouss what do you think?
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quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:27 am
blouss...yes, Welcome to a2k.

As everyone else has stated...we certainly would like to discuss the topic.

Heres the thing...each person is different, so is each situation, so it all depends on that.

Take for instance this quandry-should a parent interfere with a teenagers choice of friends?
Well, you know..it depends.
Say a teenager of 17 has a group of people they have been hanging around for the last 2 years and in that time this person has started doing drugs, drinking, brought to the police station, and many other various issues have arisen from their choice of friends. Now, although no one can make you hang around with people you want to, it really is a parents responsibility to guide, communicate with and suggest. So, is that interference? Yes, you could say it is. You could also say its responsibility and caring.

Now, take same teen and make those friends good regular folks with no negative aspects to the relationships and a teen well adjusted and basically normal. Said teen lets say wants to not go to college but rather take time with said friends to perhaps hike the Rocky Mountains or some other such thing. Parent intervens and refuses to allow their acceptance of such a decision. Is this interfering? Yep. Is it again caring for teen? Probably. Is it wrong? Who can say? Without all the facts and all the information for each person, each individual situation...how can you really just say how far?

Its hard but, by coming up with hypothetical situations and ideas maybe we can help get to some reasoned answer for you.
What do you think?
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:30 am
blouss
Could you throw us some examples, so we atleast have somewhere to start?

Welcome to A2K
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blouss
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Oct, 2003 10:41 am
Husher : It is a difficult question to answer because if you interfere in your daughter's matter ... what will be the consequences ?
Would the school do something for your daughter the Halloween's day ? And if the school do something for your daughter, would the school's decision be safety ?
Will you accompagny your daughter ?
I think that to prevent the school about your daughter's problem is important because some people will try to help you and your daughter to be in safety.

quinn1 : Oh well yes, with hypothetical situations and ideas... Hum, should parents say "no" to their child to hang out with their friends...during the evening or the night ?

(Sorry for my English, my English is very bad because I'm French..)
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