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As a child, I feel unwanted, as an adult, still feel the same. How can I change the way I feel?

 
 
zhjuan
 
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 01:44 pm
When I feel unwanted, I get depressed. Whether in work or at home. I have a lovely family now, so I do feel I am wanted at home but when I go out, things didn't go the way I want it to, didn't get on with important person, I get really "very " depressed, feeling I've failed everything. What's wrong with me? How I can get better? Or when I get a moody boss, my mood go up and down with the moody boss. How can I handle it better?
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,550 • Replies: 20
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The Chief
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 04:47 pm
@zhjuan,
I sometimes feel the same way... I think we all do. Try looking at the glass half full and count the blessings in your life. You have a lovely family - that's good! You have a job and income - and in this economy that's great! Always look at the good things you've been blessed with, the accidents you weren't involved in and the diseases that so many people have but you don't. There are ALWAYS positives! Hope this helps Very Happy
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 04:58 pm
You seem to have a lot of heavy issues zhjuan.

Have you ever been in therapy?

I think a therapist is someone that can help you.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 05:03 pm
@chai2,
Or do what some my relatives did and become a therapist.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 10:01 am
@Green Witch,
ain't that the truth.
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 10:05 am
@chai2,
However, being in therapy in China is quite another matter that in the US...
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 10:34 am
Spend time helping people who really, really need it.

There is no surer way to appreciate what you have. It always puts things in perspective.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 06:52 pm
@chai2,
Thanks. I am very aware of that. I am seeing a therapy and at the same time, I am using able2know to help me through as well. I am very aware that I need help and I really want to get better. So much that it generate bad result. I am trying to get help and at the same time, try to be patient for it. Whatever will help me get better, I will do them all.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 10:16 pm
@zhjuan,
We have talked recently on another thread of yours.

One suggestion - it would be useful if you aim at having one thread.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 10:17 pm
@zhjuan,
We have talked recently on another thread of yours.

One suggestion - it would be useful if you aim at having one thread. I'd recommmend that one.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2010 07:51 am
@ossobuco,
I think it makes sense. I know the topic are quite similar... I am trying to understand why I am cranky. I have some believe of myself is quite unhealthy. I guess I can only keep at it until I get rid of those unhealthy ones then I can move on. Some of my friend tell me that I have too much free time that's why I have time to be cranky. But when I am busy working, I still find time to be cranky about those stupid things. That's when I know I am not well...
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2010 07:53 am
@ossobuco,
I better get this sorted... I am trying, maybe too hard at this stage... I really want to get better. So far, some of the suggestions I got from questions, have been useful and I have move on with most of the issues I have asked. It works for me over all. I also go back to read those suggestions when I am cranky for the same matter. The suggestions does work for me when I feel lost again...
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2010 07:55 am
@ossobuco,
Thanks for the reply anyway. I am getting better, slowly, unstructurally.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2010 01:28 pm
@ossobuco,
I have read your point on the other question. Very good and very useful. I really appreciate that. Sometimes, I get suggestions that go right into my soul that really are great helps. I treat those suggestion as my resource to give a hand when I am feeling down. I really love your ways of boosting me up. I think I can do without a pill, Smile though I am not against it.
0 Replies
 
yeilyn32
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Jun, 2010 11:08 am
@zhjuan,
Why don't you just do things that you enjoy ,and that you love so much ,and makes you happy
Withouth people always trying to make you feel like your wanted,
things aren't always going to go your way , because everyone wants to feel wanted so just be happy, and just be you and be happy of it...
You will not always get the attention just live with it, and cope with it ,and try to make yourself as happy as possible,
to make you feel like you don't have to be wanted by others
0 Replies
 
Pemerson
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Jun, 2010 01:18 pm
@zhjuan,
Here you are on yet another thread, and nothing is changing? Or, you're slipping back?

How do you know you're not wanted? You are sounding like a sponge, soaking up the feelings of those around you. You could be a very sensitive person who is picking up on the feelings of others. Perhaps you think their feelings are about you, but you could be allowing people to project their feelings on you.

Naturally, you feel great when surrounded by your lovely family. And, naturally, you will feel depressed around your moody boss. You are picking up on everybody's feelings.

Generally speaking, it helps just to know what is happening, then you could try to understand and develop your sensitivity as the strength it is. Smile, be happy when around this moody boss. It's his bad mood, not yours.
mm25075
 
  2  
Reply Thu 3 Jun, 2010 02:40 pm
@Pemerson,
Something relatively small but that helps me in the work place when I encounter people who have strong feelings...

I think of myself as a strong oak tree swaying slightly in the wind. I am somewhat flexible to the winds as they surround me and at times I will drop seeds of wisdom that others around me can use to grow themselves. My roots are strongly planted in the center of a lush ground work of roots that dive deep to keep me from being blown over by the winds of change.
Pemerson
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Jun, 2010 10:54 pm
@mm25075,
That is not a small thing, what you've found helpful for you. I used to imagine an invisible shield, something like saran wrap, between me and that grouchy person who would like me to share his/her bad day. A friend told me it took only a moment to send those feelings back to that person, much like a boomerang. Another said she felt compelled one day to pick up a pen and pad, write a poem that had been bouncing around in her head. When she had those negative feelings come over her, she'd quote that little poem.

When I'm caught blindsided by someone else's strong negativity and can't think quickly, I take a very slow breath into my belly to connect with the real and underlying self within us all. You'd be amazed you'll feel strong as an oak....
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Feb, 2012 04:22 pm
@Pemerson,
Haven't been back to this site for a while. Since, have been separated from my hubby for nearly a year so far. Had been struggled for a few months trying to get over of my marriage falling apart. Almost a year later, found myself feeling having lots of freedom and happy. Am very surprised by the outcome. Have realised that I have been trying to fix myself to fit what my man want from me. I didn't love myself. I didn't want myself. After all the counseling, found out all that I need is to be able to love myself, accept myself. Since then, I regained my confidence, my worth, my ability to work, become assertive, which then was a difficult concept for me to even understand. My marriage may be broken, but I am happy for the first in 20 years. How ironic and absurd is that. For the first time in years, I found myself very lovable and cute!!! Smile
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 1 Feb, 2012 04:34 pm
@zhjuan,
I'm so pleased to hear that, zhjuan. I'm very happy for you. In a way, nothing will be quite as hard again. Not that hard things won't happen, but you've come through all that difficulty very well.
 

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