Caring Girlfriend!

Do you rent or own?

that question also applies to your boyfriend.

easy pilgrim, I might have to put you on ignore!

50/50 and he pays for anything that has to do with his children.

I own my home.... well at least the bank does and I pay them lol.... and I have my kids living with me full time.

I've been in that situation, as the guy. It was tricky...real tricky.
Next question: is there a disparity in income?

If you rented out a room in your house, in your neighborhood, city - what would you get per month?

Collect that from him. for example $700 per month.

Split the groceries, unless the kids come, then let him shop that week.

Don't try to make money on this, but he's got to contribute somehow.

I own my home.... well at least the bank does and I pay them lol.... and I have my kids living with me full time.

What do you mean when you pay the bank lol?

I gather that's just current slang for mortgage payment.

hello shining star, welcome to a2k

So your boyfriend has lived with you for 5 months and hasn't paid a dime?
His kids were at your house over the entire summer and you paid for everything?

Sorry to say, but if someone is a freeloader for 5 months and never once
asked if he/she can contribute to the household, then there is something
fundamentally wrong with that person.

To me, this would be a major red flag.

Normally I would agree, however, she did tell him "we will worry about rent/expenses after the kids leave." So I would give him a little leeway. But I would have expected him to bring this up once the kids left....but then again money is kind of a tricky situation.

I think I agree with some of what people said here - determine what is a fair rent for the area. Then where you have kids and his kids were there - I would just sort of split the food bill in half - for this period of time both group of kids where there. Same with utilities. Then meet with him and discuss your thoughts - both groups of kids were there so for these period lets split in half. Ask if he feels this is fair.

Then going forward - determine what seems fair food wise - you have your kids there so what makes sense? You pay 2/3, 3/4...and I would suggest splitting the rest of the utilities in half and whatever you determine is fair rent. The important thing is you both feel this is even and fair and you determine this going forward.

Thanks for the input... the hard part for me is I am such a "giver". I paid my way before he came into my life and don't expect to be "kept". However, it would be nice to have that little extra money to do something special with and it does get frustrating when I see him able to shop for what ever he wants as he pays nothing to live here. He sends more than is required back to his ex-wife for the support of his children and don't get me wrong I think it is absolutley wonderful that his children are cared for the way he does. However, our life here is important too and I think we could use a working budget to grow with as well.

there is a difference in income... I am self employed and have an income that goes up and down depending on the season etc. His income is generally twice that of mine...sometimes more

I pay the mortgage

Linkat wrote
I don't think I can add anything to what she said...

It is wonderful that you are a giver, however, some people are takers and will take advantage of you (whether intentionally or not). It could be that he thinks you can well afford it.

When my now husband first moved in with me, I ran into a little bit of a situation like yours. He did not intentionally mean to "take" from me. He moved across country to live with me so I wouldn't have to move - he did not have a job and was taking his time to find one. I finally took him aside and told him how my savings was starting to go down because he was not financially contributing. I could tell he felt terrible about. He went out and within a week had a job. He was holding out before for the perfect job and realized he needed something sooner.

Moral - sometimes they just need a little push and a little understanding of your situation.

depends... do you make more money than him, were you aware that he would or would not be able to have adequate income when you allowed him to move in... i figure if you two are a couple, living together, that you should split the bills to the best of your abilities... like if you make more money than he does then maybe make him responsible for the utilities, his own kids expenses his own cell phone his own car insurance... things like that...

Caring said:

He makes twice the income you do and has not offered once to contribute
to the household? I am sorry, I do stand by my statement that you've got
a freeloader here. He's been in your house for 5 months for crying out
loud. What is he thinking?