abby606
 
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 03:02 pm
Well my mom smokes pot with my step dad and they smoke it and i can smell it in my room and they smoke it around my 3 yearold sister and i just dont know whta to do. My step mom told me to call the cops and i tryed to once but i just couldnt it was just to hard. Im only 12 and i really nedd help with this. i dont want my mom to get in trouble cus i dont want my sister to go to a foster home or somthing like that. I cant take another day with them smoking. Sometimes my mom will walk into my room with her eyes blood shot and it just makes me cry when she leaves cus shes goona go to jail or kill her self with the smoke.Will someone just please help!?
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Type: Question • Score: 13 • Views: 6,291 • Replies: 23

 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 03:25 pm
@abby606,
how do you think she's going to kill herself?

I think that's unlikely.

Unless she's dealing, the chance of her going to jail are pretty much non-existent. Even then, she'd have to be dealing a lot, and at that point you'd be more in danger from the bad element hanging around the house.

What's she done while smoking that's so bad?

Your mothers an adult, and there's nothing wrong with what she's doing, except that an outdated law says so.

Get straight in your head the difference between right and wrong, and legal and illegal.

0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  7  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 03:39 pm
@abby606,
While I think some of your fears are irrational, you have a right to be concerned. A lot of people don't know how to live responsibly and smoke pot at the same time. Some people do. But you should focus on if, and how, your mom's smoking is affecting your life and your sister's life.

If the only problem is that it makes her eyes bloodshot, well, that's not so bad. But if she's late picking you up from school or is out of touch with important details of your life, that's not good.

It's okay to be worried, but you might as well rule out death or jail. Neither are going to happen.
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 03:43 pm
abby606, calm down. Please! Pot is a mild drug, and it is legal in some countries. It does not kill people. Yes, their eyes go a bit red sometimes, whe they are stoned, but that soon goes away. In my country people possessing a small amount for their own use just get a ticket, if the police even bother to prosecute. Sounds like your stepmother is trying to cause trouble. Don't just listen to what she says. Maybe she is jealous that your father smokes with her. You should not go to the police. Your stepmother cannot be a very nice woman if she told you that. To make a 12 year old feel scared and get her own mother into trouble are evil things to do.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  -4  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 04:50 pm
@Gargamel,
Gargamel wrote:

While I think some of your fears are irrational, you have a right to be concerned. A lot of people don't know how to live responsibly and smoke pot at the same time. Some people do. But you should focus on if, and how, your mom's smoking is affecting your life and your sister's life.

If the only problem is that it makes her eyes bloodshot, well, that's not so bad. But if she's late picking you up from school or is out of touch with important details of your life, that's not good.

It's okay to be worried, but you might as well rule out death or jail. Neither are going to happen.


Well, of course I do agree with you about if the mother is not taking care of her children properly.
However, the step mothers response for her (the kid) to call the cops, indicated to me it's not that serious. Otherwise, the step mom would hopefully be doing something about of fear of endangerment.

Of course, the stepmother could be a skank, and not care about it even if mother was bringing in groups of men for gang bangs.
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  0  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 04:57 pm
I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle then goes back to the rock
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  4  
Reply Wed 7 Oct, 2009 10:36 pm
I wish I would have had the courage to tell my parents (when I was 12) that their drinking really bothered me and really messed up my brother. When they were drinking they were not good parents.

I just kept myself busy and did well in school and got the heck out of there when I could. My brother was older than me, but if he was a baby, I'd be sure he was not around them when they got stupid.
0 Replies
 
kuvasz
 
  4  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 09:46 am
@abby606,
Do not call the police over this. You will set in motion events far worse than what you are experiencing right now. Your mother and step father will wind up arrested and be unable to work. They could go to jail. Then the government will put you into a foster home with strangers. Do you want that to happen?

Frankly, I wish I could punch every single DARE agent in the mouth for the scare tactics they use on 12 year old kids. No adult could listen to these fools without laughing right in their pasty faces.

Since you are old enough to post on a2k you ought to be old enough to check on the affects marijuana has on a person. Do this yourself. Don't simply listen to what others have said to you. You will find out that the use of marijuana BY ADULTS is not as bad as you think. Just don't call the police about this. They are rarely your friends.

AND DO NOT ANGUISH OVER THIS. THE BEST THING TO DO IS TALK TO YOUR MOM ABOUT IT!
Diest TKO
 
  5  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 10:38 am
@abby606,
abby606 wrote:

Well my mom smokes pot with my step dad and they smoke it and i can smell it in my room and they smoke it around my 3 yearold sister and i just dont know whta to do. My step mom told me to call the cops and i tryed to once but i just couldnt it was just to hard. Im only 12 and i really nedd help with this. i dont want my mom to get in trouble cus i dont want my sister to go to a foster home or somthing like that. I cant take another day with them smoking. Sometimes my mom will walk into my room with her eyes blood shot and it just makes me cry when she leaves cus shes goona go to jail or kill her self with the smoke.Will someone just please help!?

Abby - I totally understand where you are coming from. I have many issues with my parent's drug use (it was just pot as well). I was scared many times growing up that they would get caught and go to jail or I'd be taken away. You've been able to talk to your step-mother about this, how comfortable would you be talking directly to your mother and step-father? It doesn't matter if pot is a mild drug or not, if it is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to voice your concern.

T
K
O
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 10:55 am
@kuvasz,
kuvasz wrote:

Do not call the police over this. You will set in motion events far worse than what you are experiencing right now. Your mother and step father will wind up arrested and be unable to work. They could go to jail. Then the government will put you into a foster home with strangers. Do you want that to happen?

Frankly, I wish I could punch every single DARE agent in the mouth for the scare tactics they use on 12 year old kids. No adult could listen to these fools without laughing right in their pasty faces.



and your first paragraph doesn't sound like it would scare the bejesus out of a 12 year old?

From mom smoking a joint, to ending up in foster care with strangers.

why not add in that the foster dad would probably ass rape her, and the foster mom would sell tickets to the event?

Although, I do agree with the fact that a 12 year old doesn't know the reality of a responsible adult having a little relaxation smoke once in a while, and that nothing bad comes from it.

It's a shame some make it an all or nothing thing.


this one is great, from the remake of reefer madness






0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 11:27 am
@Diest TKO,
Diest TKO wrote:

Abby - I totally understand where you are coming from. I have many issues with my parent's drug use (it was just pot as well). I was scared many times growing up that they would get caught and go to jail or I'd be taken away. You've been able to talk to your step-mother about this, how comfortable would you be talking directly to your mother and step-father? It doesn't matter if pot is a mild drug or not, if it is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to voice your concern.

T
K
O


Ok, imagining for a moment that her mother & step dad are not out of control zombie pot head that are growing an acre of it in the basement, are unemployable, and are putting their children's lives at risk, I have to respectfully disagree.

Imagine we are living in the brief (thank God) prohibition era the U.S. had not that many years ago.
I could just see some children being upset because their mother had a bootleg bottle of booze in the house, and enjoyed having a couple of shots in the evening. Like the equiv. of a couple glasses of wine or a couple of beers.

But, but, it’s ILLEGAL!!!
They’re going to go crazy and kill someone! They’ll die or end up in jail!!!

Yeah, the mom should/could sit down and let the daughter know that her couple of drinks, or a joint or 2, is not at this time legal, but, let me give you a lesson in the real world.

How would you react diest, if your daughter saw you have a drink or 2 a few times a week, saw you become giggly, or suddenly pretending you’re Issac Hayes, Frank Sinatra or Kurt Cobain, and believed you were going to die or go to jail over that? I’m not talking a mean problem drinker, I’m talking about how most people are after a couple.

Yeah, you would talk to her, trying to explain a few things. I don’t know that she’d totally understand, since she doesn’t have the adult skills to handle knowing when you have to be responsible, and when you can be a little goofy.

I think the bottom line would be that you wouldn’t stop having your occasional drinks, or nightly drink or 2 because of your kid.
One of the perks of being a grown up is that, in general, you do know what you can handle. Another of the perks is that you can do some of the things you were always told you could do once you grow up.

Kids get upset over a lot of the things adults, especially their parents do. They usually can’t stand to think that their parents have sex. But by God I wouldn’t stop having sex because my 12 year old thinks I shouldn’t. They don’t like how parents dress, how they “boss” them around, how they insist of actually pulling up in front of school in front of all their friends to drop them off, totally embarrassing them.

The 12 year old here can express her fears to her mom, but that is no reason for the mother to stop doing something she enjoys, that isn’t hurting anyone, including herself. She’s the grownup.
Diest TKO
 
  3  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 12:00 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

Diest TKO wrote:

Abby - I totally understand where you are coming from. I have many issues with my parent's drug use (it was just pot as well). I was scared many times growing up that they would get caught and go to jail or I'd be taken away. You've been able to talk to your step-mother about this, how comfortable would you be talking directly to your mother and step-father? It doesn't matter if pot is a mild drug or not, if it is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to voice your concern.

T
K
O



Ok, imagining for a moment that her mother & step dad are not out of control zombie pot head that are growing an acre of it in the basement, are unemployable, and are putting their children's lives at risk, I have to respectfully disagree.


I don't think that the parents have to be out of control zombie pot-heads for this to be of concern. I don't think that they have to be caught up in production of trafficking for this to be a concern. They can be perfectly sensible and kind people, but to me, the bottom line is that their daughter is under stress from their actions (be them harmless or not) and they don't seem to be aware of it.

I could give a damn about pot. I have no moral objections, and I don't even think it should be illegal. The idea that pot isn't that bad, is overly dismissive when addressing a child's concern.
chai2 wrote:


Imagine we are living in the brief (thank God) prohibition era the U.S. had not that many years ago.
I could just see some children being upset because their mother had a bootleg bottle of booze in the house, and enjoyed having a couple of shots in the evening. Like the equiv. of a couple glasses of wine or a couple of beers.

I can agree that this scenario could produce a similar reaction.

chai2 wrote:

But, but, it’s ILLEGAL!!!
They’re going to go crazy and kill someone! They’ll die or end up in jail!!!

We're not talking reefer madness here. We're talking about a break down in communication and her parent's not understanding the effect of their actions on their child.

I don't care about the legality issue.

chai2 wrote:

Yeah, the mom should/could sit down and let the daughter know that her couple of drinks, or a joint or 2, is not at this time legal, but, let me give you a lesson in the real world.

But I don't gather that she has had a sit down or felt the need to justify/explain her causal usage. What about smoking with the three year old around? There are some real concerns here beyond a teenager's fears.

chai2 wrote:

How would you react diest, if your daughter saw you have a drink or 2 a few times a week, saw you become giggly, or suddenly pretending you’re Issac Hayes, Frank Sinatra or Kurt Cobain, and believed you were going to die or go to jail over that? I’m not talking a mean problem drinker, I’m talking about how most people are after a couple.

I do not have children, so I can only speculate. I do however value transparency, and I feel like I'd want to know if any part of my lifestyle confused or alarmed my children.

If you were to learn that your casual drinking in front of your children was causing them stress, would it the child's responsibility to process that, or your responsibility to address it?

chai2 wrote:

Yeah, you would talk to her, trying to explain a few things. I don’t know that she’d totally understand, since she doesn’t have the adult skills to handle knowing when you have to be responsible, and when you can be a little goofy.

So a child can't understand so don't try and explain?

chai2 wrote:

I think the bottom line would be that you wouldn’t stop having your occasional drinks, or nightly drink or 2 because of your kid.
One of the perks of being a grown up is that, in general, you do know what you can handle. Another of the perks is that you can do some of the things you were always told you could do once you grow up.

Perhaps. I don't know, though. If I had to weight the perks of being an adult over emotional security of my child, I think I'd be indulging my perks a little less. It's ultimately not important at all.

chai2 wrote:

Kids get upset over a lot of the things adults, especially their parents do. They usually can’t stand to think that their parents have sex. But by God I wouldn’t stop having sex because my 12 year old thinks I shouldn’t. They don’t like how parents dress, how they “boss” them around, how they insist of actually pulling up in front of school in front of all their friends to drop them off, totally embarrassing them.

We aren't talking about embarrassment here.

I grew up in a house where money was really tight. I knew my parents smoked weed, and so did my brother. I didn't think they were bad people. I didn't think they were going to kill themselves (as a side effect. any smoke inhalation does lung and tissue damage). But even as a kid, I knew what a dime bag cost, and I knew that we didn't have insurance. Kids know a lot more than they let on. I grew up afraid to get hurt, because I knew that going to the hospital would be really expensive. It was an incredible amount of stress, and carried it. I think it's ridiculous to equivocate the embarrassment of being dropped of at school by your parents with the kind of stress I felt worrying about the household, not to mention being a child who can't do anything to bring money in.

Forgive me if I'm less than eager to here about the perks of adulthood.

chai2 wrote:

The 12 year old here can express her fears to her mom, but that is no reason for the mother to stop doing something she enjoys, that isn’t hurting anyone, including herself. She’s the grownup.

She is the grown up. She has the responsibility too. Nobody is getting hurt? If this teenager feels like her mother is in danger, I have to disagree. Her fears may be unreasonable, but left unaddressed by her parents they do REAL damage.

The mom enjoying it, is a lame ass excuse.
K
O
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 12:45 pm
@Diest TKO,
Here's a cut and paste from part of my post above.

Yeah, the mom should/could sit down and let the daughter know that her couple of drinks, or a joint or 2, is not at this time legal, but, let me give you a lesson in the real world


In the real world, Sargeant McGruff doesn't come by your house and arrest you over a dobie.

My exclaimations of "But its ILLEGAL!!!" was not over reefer madness, but is how a 12 year old could think of it seeing their parents do something like smoke a joint.

A 12 year old I suppose sees things more in black and white.

An adult knows there's many shades of gray.

That's what a sit down with the mother would envolve; the daughter expressing her fear and discomfort, and the mother educating her there's nothing for her to worry about.
JPB
 
  4  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 04:54 pm
@chai2,
I have mixed feelings about this. Not that it's a big deal that the parents smoke pot, but I can see how it can stay a big deal to a 12 year old even after she and mom have the "talk".

Depending on how mom approaches it, it may be that abby is expected to keep the family secret. Keeping secrets isn't high on things that 12 year old girls are very good at. She's bombarded all day at school with "Just Say No" and she's going to be sitting there feeling guilty. She's going to feel the stress building and need to talk to someone. Maybe the someone she talks to has parents who smoke too and that kid knows about it, which would be a good result for abby, but maybe that kid blows the whistle to ... pick the person you'd like least to know that your parents smoke pot.

Dunno... I can see how it would be a burden to a kid even if everything is open and above board in the household.
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 06:21 pm
These parents are stupid for smoking in front of the kids.
You just can't cure stupid.

I'd suggest the child get another adult mentor or grandparent so there is someplace the kids can go so when they feel uncomfortable.

0 Replies
 
Diest TKO
 
  2  
Reply Thu 8 Oct, 2009 06:53 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

Here's a cut and paste from part of my post above.

Yeah, the mom should/could sit down and let the daughter know that her couple of drinks, or a joint or 2, is not at this time legal, but, let me give you a lesson in the real world


In the real world, Sargeant McGruff doesn't come by your house and arrest you over a dobie.

In the real world, drug arrests are made everyday, and that includes marijuana.

Quote:

YEAR MARIJUANA ARRESTS
2001 723,627
2000 734,498
1999 704,812
1998 682,885
1997 695,200
1996 641,642
1995 588,963
1994 499,122
1993 380,689
1992 342,314

source: http://norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=5444

Maybe it's just a fine. Maybe a few hours in jail. Would you want to explain to your child why you were in jail? What kind of embarrassment would they feel if people found out?

chai2 wrote:

My exclaimations of "But its ILLEGAL!!!" was not over reefer madness, but is how a 12 year old could think of it seeing their parents do something like smoke a joint.

So the child should or should not keep it a secret?

What about social implications for the child? If other parents were to find out about this, they might not want their child playing or visiting the child's house.

Additionally, in a situation as described here, the parents are both divorced, and both have remarried. The step-mother knows about what happens, what if push came to shove and they didn't want the child to go over anymore?

chai2 wrote:

A 12 year old I suppose sees things more in black and white.

An adult knows there's many shades of gray.

The objective is usually, not to just stay in the gray. I think parents should set a good example for their children. That doesn't mean that smoking pot is a bad example, it means that they shouldn't be teaching a child that adulthood isn't about entitled indulgences. Those adulthood perks should never be shown to a child if the child doesn't witness and understand the corresponding responsibilities.

chai2 wrote:

That's what a sit down with the mother would envolve; the daughter expressing her fear and discomfort, and the mother educating her there's nothing for her to worry about.

Certainly, a talk would help the child, but I hope the parent would take something away too.

T
K
O
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 9 Oct, 2009 06:33 am
I think you overthink a lot of things, to the point that nothing is ever done or decided.

With all the thinking and talking in the world, the time comes when one has to get over it, accept what is, and move on with a course of action.

Like I'm moving on from this thread.
0 Replies
 
methysethy
 
  0  
Reply Thu 9 Sep, 2010 09:34 pm
@abby606,
your only 12 bro, so i wouldnt worry you'll come to like it when your 15 and smoking pot, your mom will not die from smoking or usage of marijuana she'll be ok. as for you i'd suggest not calling the cops and talking to her about it.
0 Replies
 
ruby1234
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Nov, 2010 07:19 pm
Its ok Just calm down im also 12 a while ago one of my mums friend went on holiday and came home with wraps and of course i knew what they were i thought they were hers but then she quietly handed them to my mum, i freaked out! i went to bed that night and cried i got no sleep and i got really angry at my mum beacuse shes always tellig me never to smoke and my whole family is totally against it. Anyway later that day she got a message from her friend saying 'do you have any more weed please bring some hahaha' i read it and cried and shook for ages. then about 2 moths later i went in one of her draws to get something and saw a small jar with soap nest to it curios i opened it and it was all this pot shreded, that was the final straw i freaked out cried for ages and finally i thought about it. me and my sister are always fighting she probly smokes it because shes stresses, i havent said anything because im scared, but i will someday. i dont sleep over anyobes house beacause i think she wilol smoke it and get stoned and hurt herself , at school everyone asks me why i dont sleep over i just say i get home sick.
MY LIFE SUCKS! im always stressing about ti all the time after i found they pot i freaked now i cant get over it im costantly with my mum because im scared she will smoke it again! Anyway just try to relax and try to find the courage to tell her
0 Replies
 
aze1526
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Nov, 2010 01:52 pm
If this is stressing out a child, then it IS doing some sort of harm because it impacts the family negatively. I know I would break down if I saw my mom messed up, because as daughters or sons, we look up to our parents for guidance as they set responsibilities that we soon take after in life. A person's child should always be a top priority, and you don't have to succumb to every will of theirs, but it is the right thing to do for whatever is best for your child's mental, emotional, and physical health. Smoke of any kind is harmful, including to those who inhale just the secondhand smoke. There are other ways to relieve stress in the reality of the adult world, and stress relievers should be all responsible, good examples, and activities that your children will eventually grow to admire and imitate instead of taking on bad habits. Practicing healthy routines will benefit you, your family, and your environment/surroundings in the long run. Although pot may not have "serious" effects, it is still temporarily distorting mental states that can be frightening to a child because a parent is supposed to be a guardian and teacher. Her fears are not irrational, it's perfectly understandable and I pity anyone in that situation.

Her concerns are well placed. It's a sickening sight to see a loved one not in their normal temperaments or state of minds, and I'm shocked at many of the responses on this post.
0 Replies
 
 

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