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two married people having an affair

 
 
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 12:20 pm
Please do not judge me. I just started an affair with a married man. I am married too. (not intimate for 11 years) In my relationship I thought I would feel guilty cheating but I don't. Instead I feel fine but, the guy I had the affair with feels guilty. He's kind of backed off from me. Why would he do that? I just don't understand we both enjoyed our time together. I would like it to continue. I don't want a permanent committment just some attention.
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 10,037 • Replies: 13
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CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 12:25 pm
@sheliacat,
sheliacat wrote:
He's kind of backed off from me. Why would he do that?


One indication would be that he's married and would like to stay married.
Leave him alone! If you're looking for an affair then go out and seek out someone who is not attached and has marital obligations.
djjd62
 
  2  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 12:25 pm
@sheliacat,
perhaps he has a conscience
sheliacat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 12:29 pm
@djjd62,
Believe it or not I have one too. I have just been unhappy for so long but I have too much to loose by leaving my husband.
OCCOM BILL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 12:33 pm
@sheliacat,
sheliacat wrote:

Believe it or not I have one too. I have just been unhappy for so long but I have too much to loose by leaving my husband.
Like what? What state do you live in and how long have you been married? And why does your loveless marriage have to do with seeing other married people?
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 01:43 pm
@sheliacat,
what do you have to lose?

someone to look after you while you cheat on him
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 02:15 pm
@sheliacat,
sheliacat wrote:

Believe it or not I have one too. I have just been unhappy for so long but I have too much to loose by leaving my husband.


Being unhappy is not worth whatever it is you have to lose. You're cheating yourself out of a quality life. Why would you do that? Is your husband unhappy, too?
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 03:04 pm
You are married and so is he. You are in a loveless marriage - but he may not be.
He is probably haivng second thoughts about your relationship and really does not want to lose his wife.

You need to get out of this loveless marriage and find yourself a single, available man to have a relationship with.

0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 4 Oct, 2009 11:35 pm
@sheliacat,
Sheliacat,

I wouldn't advocate anyone stay in an unhappy marriage.

Say there are children involved - what are you teaching them by staying? That it's okay to be miserable your whole life?

Do you really think you are unaffected in other ways by your unhappiness? (possible examples : bitterness, fights, blaming, depression, jealousy of happy people, health issues, lethargy, no motivation at work, don't want to think anymore)

There are other reasons I can think of for not leaving.

Just remember that everyone has different circumstances in their lives, have learnt different lessons, and want different things. Look after yourself and make a life worth living, one that you can be happy with, and proud of (it's possible). And don't lose sight of what others want or need either. And still go about making your life what you truly want it to be.
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rican kitty
 
  2  
Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2011 01:57 pm
@CalamityJane,
It is hard to mantain an affair but I said it is better when both parties are married, because it takes a lot pressure of what ever is happening.. but both have to be guilt free and sometimes it is so good that no guilt is there for either person.. So I suggest find another married man that has no guilt.. If he feels this guilty he should not be cheating!
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2011 10:44 pm
@rican kitty,
Your sense of logic goes right over my head, rican kitty....
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2011 11:01 pm
@CalamityJane,
What's over your head Calamity Jane? Rican kitty makes perfect sense (although a little guilt can make an affair a bit more exciting).

It is interesting how shocked, shocked! people are that humans have affairs. This is part of human nature and there are all sorts of reasons that people don't want to break up a marriage.

People on these threads are such prudes.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2011 11:15 pm
@maxdancona,
I am certainly not a prude, max, but I am not willing to sell myself short,
nor would I expect the same from my spouse. Sure, there are many reasons
why people have affairs - bottom line is though that there is something missing in their marriage if they do seek excitement someplace else.

I am catholic, I have enough guilt for two lifetimes, I don't need an affair for that Very Happy
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Apr, 2011 01:58 pm
@CalamityJane,
Maybe an affair would help with that.
0 Replies
 
 

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