Primer/Primer

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

George and Martha are having a party.

They invite two young friends.

Geoge and Martha are very mean to each other.

Martha cries a lot.

Great, Phoenix.

The Wizard of Oz:

See Dorothy?
Dorothy lives in Kansas.
A big wind comes.
Dorothy gets new red shoes.
Dorothy goes home.

Mission To Mars :

Carboard cutout actors mime platitudes to each other while not reacting to the chaos around them.
Sharp left turn into a ditch.
Incomprehensible developments confuse even the director.

See the nose.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
See Cyrano's nose.
See him inhale.
See him fight.
See him die.
Oh. Oh. Oh.

Hi, heliotrope. er, do you think a kindergarten kid could understand the words in your primer? Well, maybe you Brits have a lot of child prodigies, and all equipped with OED's

Great, edgar.

Moby Dick:

This man has only one leg.

Poor man.

He is trying to catch a whale.

The whale is very naughty.

The whale kills the man and his crew.

There is only one man left.

His name is Ishmael.

Swim, Ishmael, swim.

Ulysses by James Joyce

This is Dedalus.
He killed his mum.
(Well, not really)
His friend is named Leopold.
Leopold daydreams.
Leopold is Poldy to his wife.
Leopold wanders.
Leopold helps Dedalus party.
Leopold helps Dedalus get home.
See Leopold sleep.
Hear his wife think secret thoughts.

Legend of Sleepy Hollow

See the skinny guy?

He teaches school, he is a sniveling little prick and, has the hots for the rich farmers daughter.

He tries to hit on her at a party.

He freaks out when he thinks he sees a headless horseman on his way home.

He pisses in his pants and hauls butt out of town.

It's the truth, no shit!

morganwood....

harumph..straightening up.

edgar..it's your fault with Ulysses..why not Odysseus..

Stand in the corner, Morganwood. This is a family channel. Smothering a laugh.

Odysseus was cool.

But, really, Hetty; stabbing, bleeding, dying, as in Hamlet - Is that really more suitable than Ulysses?

I'm sorry, Hetty; that was meant for Letty.

OOPS! I think something has gone awry here. Meanwhile back to the bard:

MacBeth:

Here is a Scot.

He is a good man.

Three weird sisters told him things.

He believed it.

Then he became a bad man.

His wife became sorry for her part.

She wanted Spot to get out.

Run, Spot, run.

PUDD'N'HEAD WILSON, by Mark Twain

See Mister Wilson.
Mister Wilson is a lawyer who is new in town.
People think he is funny.
They make fun of him.
They call him a pudding head.
Then they name him Pudd'n'head Wilson.
In his day some persons were slaves.
Pudd'n'head Wilson's first client is accused of murder.
But, Pudd'n'head Wilson knows the real killer was a slave -
a slave who pretended to be a rich person.
How does he know this?
Pudd'n'head Wilson is the first one in town who knows about fingerprints.
Mr. Wilson proves by using fingerprints that his client is innocent and that the slave is guilty.
Everyone now likes Pudd'n'head Wilson.

The Old Man and the Sea

See the sea?
(That is called a homophone. Can you say 'homophone'?)

The sea is blue. The sea is always blue on maps.
(Do you know what a map is?)

This is a big fish. It is called a marlin.
(No, not 'Marylin.' That's your sister. Can you say 'marlin'?)

This man is a fisherman. He catches fish. Marlin are fish. Does the man catch marlin?

This is a boat. The man is in the boat. The fish is not in the boat yet. Do you think the man will catch the fish?

The man has caught the fish. It is a big fish. It is too big to put in the boat. What now?

This is also a fish. It is called a shark. Shark eat other fish. What do you like to eat? Fish? Does that mean that you, too, are a shark?

The shark has eaten the marlin. The man is sad. He will have no supper.

So the man sat and watched to see how the wind blew over the blue sea.
(Do you remember what a homophone is?)

Hey, Edgar. From whence was your primer taken?

Andrew, I loved it. Can you say heteronym?

Hell, I have trouble saying 'Good morning' before breakfast.

Try some coffee, then.

User Manual for PC's

This is a book.

It is a special book.

With this book you can learn about a computer.

See the words in the book?

They will be easy for you.

The words are hard for Mother and Father.

They are dummies.

See the dummies try?

See the computer crash?

Crash, pc, crash.