What is one mistake your parents made that you struggle to forgive?

Undoubtedly. Females r MUCH too nice to do that.





David

Most of the time, when I mention man,
the reference is to the species, with no intention of leaving out chicks.





David

Yes.
He and I were very different.
He was a Roosevelt liberal and I was strident in opposing Roosevelt
and later Kennedy, in favor of personal liberty and individualism.
If my father were posting here, he 'd be hugely more popular than me,
tho when verbally attacked, he 'd not say much in his own defense,
whereas with me: that 's reflexive, unless I am too lazy.
Altho he woud not disagree with me about possession of guns,
he 'd advocate very different political principles than I do.





David

I shoud clarify:
altho this thread is about struggling to forgive parents,
I never felt bad about my father 's remark,
nor have I ever held it against him,
ergo: there was nothing to forgive.

I was only mildly amused by it.





David

There's been discussion here about "bad" parents hoping to have grandchildren. My father adored his grandchildren. He was a terrific grandfather. One Saturday morning during the time my sister had moved back home with her 2 year old daughter we sat stunned as my father got down on the floor on his hands and knees and gave my niece a "horsey ride" around the living room. Sis and I looked at each other in shocked amazement at seeing him play with his granddaughter. I'm not sure where her thoughts ran but mine were certainly toward wondering who this person was. He certainly wasn't anyone we knew.

Later, once I understood the pattern of his detachment from us, I realized that this fit as well. His grandchildren all had parents. His wife wasn't expected to be their mother. They weren't a threat to him the way we were. The difference between how he felt about his grandchildren and how he felt about his children was night and day opposites.

Grandkids aren't the threat that his own children were? That's a very interesting analogy, JPB. I've heard of people behaving so much differently with their grandkids than they did with their own children but this explanation is unique (to me) and I'll bet it's on pointe more times than not. We've all heard of parents becoming jealous of their kids with a spouse so this isn't at all far-fetched.
It helps when the reasons for someone's whack behavior becomes clear, doesn't it?

Indeed....though I think, sometimes, people also grow in wisdom and emotional intelligence through life....I have known several men, in particular, who were much better fathers to their children conceived in second marriages than they were first time round.

I wonder whether that has anything to do
with the different personalities involved.





David

You'll need to expand on what you mean if you want me to comment.

Different personalities of the fathers?

Of the grandparents?

Of the children?

Different people of all ages engage with one another
better or worse, depending upon how well thay reciprocally like
or enjoy each other 's personality.

Some people get along better with one another better than others.

With some people u have an almost instant liking;
with others an almost reflexive repulsion.

This applies to all generations that are actively involved in social contact.

I have heard fathers attribute different established personalities
to their different individual pre-verbal babies.



David

Yes, but I suspect it's more than that going on generally.

Very much agreed here, Bunny.