how people deal with crankiness

Bourbon.

Seriously look forward and never back.

I tried that one but there seems always a pain in my chest that always bring me right back to those unhappy memories. As a result, I become super soft and super sentimental. I just wish I can feel like normal people. No more pain and move on. My family deserve better of me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with looking back and dealing with your unhappy childhood. That is something you can't change. What you have control of is what you decide to do about it. Deal with it in your own way then move on. You can control your future so why dwell on the past.

Absolutely you must deal with this. Those 'old tapes" keep playing and rob you of the nice todays with your family. . Seek some therapy. People are recommending a book called Bad Childhood, Good Life, by Dr. Laura..

You don't mention if you have children. They are picking up on your outlook on life. You want to be inspirational for them, even if you did not get that when you were a child.

Good luck.

I was going to recommend that book as well sullyfish.

Dr. Laura is really big on look at it, address it, move on.

I don't agree with everything I have heard her say, but that's how life is. One never agrees 100% with another.

I think she's a very strong, tough minded, positive figure.

chai2 is a dingbat.

I agree with you 100%