how can my band get groupies?

free tickets to your gigs to select wannabes would be a start

fret

Well, I can supply you with masks mirrored in my own image for a very reasonable fee. I am very pretty boy.

be worth a shit....now, do these have to be attractive disease free groupies?

Learn to shred that guitar like a motherfucker.

Or, put a cucumber in your trousers. A cucumber wrapped in tinfoil.

slightly off-topic Garg, but perhaps just as important.

How do you dissuade groupies?

Case in point. While playing a rough and rowdy roadhouse bar on Friday night, one of the patrons(thirty-something cow) decided to show her appreciation for my piano playing by lifting her tube top and depositing her dugs on my keyboard. Swear to God...I never thought I'd be forced to whine:"puhleeeze, I'm trying to work here"

Haha!

but learn from Garg and my mistakes. Put the cucumber in the FRONT of your pants.

We had a light man, no bullshit, who could vomit on command. When it got to be late at night and we wanted to run off the let's say less attractive girls that might be around, or just pain the asses in general I'd just say "Want to see a trick? Kenny, puke." Worked like a charm.