My diet

I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina Dog Chow at Wal-Mart, for my dogs Copper, Maggie, and Smokey.
I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.

On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward

with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was

essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with

Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically

everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.

I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my a$$ and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore