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Fri 5 Jun, 2009 05:09 am
a member of of family recently died. He was a wonderful man and touched the lives of many people. He taught middle school for 35 years, was retired and had a large family and was just starting to enjoy retirement 9age 62)
At his wake, many people came. his golf buddies, former and current students, work friends, old classmates and of course, family. Afterwards, the family was talking about some people they expected to hear from either with a call, card or attendance at the wake. There was a small group and the common denominator was that they were all men in their 40's. This man had a "big brother" role with 2 of them and was former father in law (on good terms) to the other one. We are sure that they knew about the death and the wake (held in a restaurant, very informal with food and drink and well attended)
I can only guess that:
40 year old men can't express feelings well and this death was too much for them. or They lack social skills for a funeral setting.
Your opinion or insight, please.
Your opinions, please.
Well, that's prime mid-life crisis age, right? May well be an age when men are especially freaked out at the thought of death. (Younger = feel more immortal, older = they've been through the mid-life crisis and are more accepting. To speak very generally of course.)
Might just be a coincidence too, though.
Condolences on your loss.
I don't think it's just men in their forties. The only time I ever saw my father cry was when his favorite dog suddenly died. I think if it had happened less quickly, in a more private way, I would not have witnessed his tears. He went to the funerals of his parents, but he did not express much emotion. He mostly just shook hands in a stoic manner and expressed thanks for people's condolences. Those are the only funerals I know he ever attended and I think he would have preferred to have not been at either. I've noticed a similar thing with my husband. He will not express grief in any form of public way. It is my job to write sympathy cards and make calls. He just can't deal with it. I don't know if it is genetic or something we impose on men socially, but I think it is more the norm than not.
There may be more family history there too. They may not have wanted to be there for personal reasons.
Not everything is superficial
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