I need help. Recently I have been hit with a clue-by-four that my wife has Nagging Shrew Disorder. I am in shock that I did not realize all of this sooner. It is unfortunate that I fell right into what my my father did with my stepmother and accepted that I was always the one at fault for my unhappiness. As it turns out I was manipulated and verbally abused to the point it caused to me contemplate suicide and became severely depressed that medication became necessary just to deal with life.
I am currently seeing a therapist to talk through my issues but I need to do more than that for my continued emotional well being. I need to divorce the bitch.
I have known wife for 12 years. We got legally married a year ago. (what in the heck was I thinking? I knew she was toxic in some ways but really had my eyes opened when I began reading about NSD. Every single description, fits my wife's reactions to my show of control over my own thoughts and feelings.
An example,
Last night I came home, talked with wife about my day for a few minutes then went to change out of my work clothes. I came back to the living room and asked "Are you coming back to the office?" (this is where I spend some of my evening playing computer games, browsing the internet and just generally winding down. ) So, she says 'sure'. She has a couch, TV, laptop and everything she needs to keep herself occupied while I play the XBox or surf the web. To make a long story short I found myself a victim of a verbal barrage of statements and indirect name calling because I would not say "yes" to her question of "Do you WANT me to come back?" Umm, well yeah seems to me a normal person would see my intial question as an indirect way of saying "Come back and let's be together. You can sit there while I play Worlds of Warcraft." Well throughout the verbal barrage I remained completely calm, my tone was low and non combative. She escalated into yelling, telling me I was a sociopath, nasty, mean, inturupting, and being controlling simply because I did not answer her 'searching' question and give her some sort of affirmation. Indeed she was looking for validation that she is loved but even though I countered her statements "You don't care about me!" She still refused to believe me and spent the next two hours in the living room sulking. I went out into the kitchen a couple of times and tried to act as though nothing was wrong, but she just wouldn't let it go. I had let the situation go but I was not going to give into her manipulation and move myself into the living room to 'share a show' with her when it was not something I wanted to do. I said "aren't you coming back to the office?" again. I got asked the question "are you going to stop being mean and nasty?" Argh. I gave her a completely WTF look as I could not believe she really thought I had said all the things he accused me of saying. (which I had not even hinted at. Remember I was calm the entire time. I didn't once try to tell her her feelings were complete BS with the exception of trying to point out. "I didn't say that....that seems like it's an issue....You just called me a sociopath?" There was no sarcasim at all and I ended it that I was really worried that she took such an innocent question and made such a big deal out of it that she became the 'victim' without me doing anything at all to her. Ugh.
I had a phone call with my dad yesterday. I told him some of my suspicions and pointed out the behaviors that she was exhibiting and how I felt used (wife does not work). He is part of the problem and says "Women are like that, get over it." From there I realized my dad is setting me up to remain in marriage that he was in with my stepmother. God, I hated that woman. Now, I find myself friendless, in shock, and completely alone in my thoughts that I need to get out of this verbally abusive marriage.
So, I find myself now in need to come up with an exit strategy and need some advice on how to do it safely. Remember "Fatal Attraction?"
There are a lot of websites out there and I intend to take it very slow in an attempt to protect my assets and move on.
I purchased my house about 5 years ago. I did ALL the house hunting, put down the deposit, took out the mortgage all in my name as a 'single' entity at the time. My car loan was the same way and my car is completely paid off. I have given my wife the car I had before I purchased my current car so she has her own transportation.
We never set up a joint checking account. My money has always been direct deposited into an account I had before I met wife. I have a credit card which she is an authorized user on, but I am solely the one who is responsible for the bill. She has no credit what-so-ever with the exception of an old school loan from 20+ years ago that was never paid off. Everything we have done as a couple, for financial purposes is in my name solely. E.G. utlity bills, car insurance, etc. She has not worked for over a year now. Before her last job she did not work for about 3 years while I went to school to finish my Bachelors Degree. I have statements of her income and when comparing it with mine, it is evident that her pattern is that she does not work steadily.
So one of my first steps is to see a lawyer as I know wife is going to expect some sort of alimony or other monies to make up for the time she spent 'helping me' get my degree by doing things around the house, running errands and generally being a housewife. We don't have kids (thank goodness!!!!!!) so that at least does not muddy the waters with child support or other concerns. She thinks at this point that she is entitled to half of the equity in my house. While I do agree that she should get 'some money' as she allowed me to save up some in my savings account while she was working, I do not think she is entitled to my house equity. I pay for everything. She needs to get a job ASAP so that she will have a source of financial support. I fully expect her to refuse to the leave the house, so I may end up having to take drastic measures to protect myself which will include finding an apartment for her to live in. Her past behavior shows she is not going to do this on her own. She is going to bad mouth me to her family and anyone she thinks will listen to the story of how I have hurt her. Between us we have 5 cats and a dog. The dog is clearly hers but is so large she will have real difficulty finding a place where she can live that will take her. I have no problem with keeping her, but I know she is not going to allow that to happen. 2 of the cats, I have had for over 16 years so I highly doubt she will expect to keep them. I do have concerns that she may create stress in the house however that may impact these senior cats health.The other three cats she is very likely to come up with any number of reasons why she should keep them. I will feel sad, yes, because I love those cats but I am not going to even fight that battle.
