Need an exit strategy from a verbally abusive marriage

Tags: Divorce, Relationships, Marriage, Verbal Abuse, Npd
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What breed ?

Yellow Labrador. She loves water so much that she would spend hours in a kid pool that was in my backyard. When it was not full of water she's spend her time lounging in the lawn sprinkler spray.

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@Aldistar,

Aldistar,

Thank you. I have spoke with a 'mediator friendly' attorney who has told me the things I need to know for the mediation appointment which is set for Sept 13 unless not soon enough to be ex comes back with another delay tactic. Even though he no longer needs to delay things, I am sure his need for control will continue until he is forced into it legally.

My b-day is not for another month and I imagine he will completely forget about it by the time rolls around. (track record) If he does send one, however, I will return it to him unopened. As of yet, I've only had the satisfaction of ignoring any e-mails he sends and responding to the mediator and copying him on the correspendence between her and I. It's been quite interesting to see all the 'hateful' things I am implying from my non actions. -heh.

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@glitterbag,

Glitterbag, thank you for your interest. Like Arella Mae (on another thread) we've dealt with a variety of very strange behaviors.

You are right that I was afraid he was a bigger threat than I wanted to admit but I had the wonderful people here to help me really focus on the important issues and help me keep my focus on where it needed to be.

My not soon enough to be ex has been busy writing e-mails to me which paint me in the light of a vindictive woman who is out for nothing but the shirt off his back and copying in some of his family members on the e-mails. Sad to see my reputation slandered like that, but alas I think they know I'm not what he is accusing me of. If not, then they will get their wake up call someday when he does the same to them.

Through all of this, I am learning a lot about myself. I am a good, kind and caring person who has a lot of love to give someone. I deserve to be truly loved. Right now I am happy spending time with myself and my 5 kitties. We have redone the backyard, painted a few rooms and spent lots of time sleeping on my old broken down queen mattress. I have big dreams for my future Very Happy

. I know there has to be a good man out there for me at some point, I am waiting for that day to come but in the meantime I am content with me. I have come a long way in just a few months...and I want to continue growing.

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@MagicBlackCat,

MagicBlackCat wrote:

Glitterbag, thank you for your interest. Like Arella Mae (on another thread) we've dealt with a variety of very strange behaviors.

You are right that I was afraid he was a bigger threat than I wanted to admit but I had the wonderful people here to help me really focus on the important issues and help me keep my focus on where it needed to be.

My not soon enough to be ex has been busy writing e-mails to me which paint me in the light of a vindictive woman who is out for nothing but the shirt off his back and copying in some of his family members on the e-mails. Sad to see my reputation slandered like that, but alas I think they know I'm not what he is accusing me of. If not, then they will get their wake up call someday when he does the same to them.

Through all of this, I am learning a lot about myself. I am a good, kind and caring person who has a lot of love to give someone. I deserve to be truly loved. Right now I am happy spending time with myself and my 5 kitties. We have redone the backyard, painted a few rooms and spent lots of time sleeping on my old broken down queen mattress. I have big dreams for my future . I know there has to be a good man out there for me at some point, I am waiting for that day to come but in the meantime I am content with me. I have come a long way in just a few months...and I want to continue growing.

I wish u a lot of good luck.
I 'm glad that your husband did not prove to be violent.

David

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It sounds like you have a plan and everyone added great advice.

My sister was in a similar situation. She finally did get out but she had to give up half her pension. And of course he had to give her half of his, but half of nothing isn't much. Now that she's free of him she feels it was worth giving up some money, but it's still a sore spot. I don't understand men who are lazy like that and don't like working. I always thought men enjoy accomplishing things. Anyway, good luck to you.

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@Nevermind,

Thank you

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He lost his job last week.

He called the mediator "Little Hitler" because she was telling him how the law would look at his unreasonable requests for the divorce.

Someone hit me over the head and tell me "I told you so." I deserve it.

I just want him to let me go.

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@MagicBlackCat,

MagicBlackCat wrote:

He called the mediator "Little Hitler" because she was telling him how the law would look at his unreasonable requests for the divorce.

That's almost funny, if it weren't a serious situation.

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@MagicBlackCat,

Quote:

He called the mediator "Little Hitler" because she was telling him how the law would look at his unreasonable requests for the divorce.

Woah! Wait a sec.

OH... do you mean what he thinks he should obtain from YOU in the divorce? Well, that's more believable!

I thought you meant, for a minute, that HE was requesting the divorce, and I'd have to start at the beginning of your thread and read very, very carefully!

Thank goodness you HAVE a mediator, since I'm sure he'd plan to "take you to the cleaner" otherwise. Got your lawyer all lined up? Sounds like you're gonna need one.

So did he get fired for Excessively Annoying His Supervisor, or what? (OK, just, kind of, joking there, it's really none of my biz.)

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@MagicBlackCat,

Quote:

Someone hit me over the head and tell me "I told you so." I deserve it.

What the heck, hon? Why should YOU deserve any head-bangs?

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@BorisKitten,

BorisKitten wrote:

Woah! Wait a sec.

OH... do you mean what he thinks he should obtain from YOU in the divorce? Well, that's more believable!

Yes...things like wanting access to my backyard once a year (not specified what date) so that he can visit his old dogs grave. I completely understand his grief for the dog but he didn't seem to realize at all that is something that would be granted in friendship rather than as a stated 'decree' for the divorce. I mean seriously, he wants things the court can't ENFORCE if I didn't follow through on it and wanted the mediator to talk me into allowing it.

BorisKitten wrote:

Thank goodness you HAVE a mediator, since I'm sure he'd plan to "take you to the cleaner" otherwise. Got your lawyer all lined up? Sounds like you're gonna need one.

Yeah, I deserve a bonk in the head for wasting money on the mediator when it seemed everyone was telling me continuing with a lawyer was the best way to handle it.

BorisKitten wrote:

So did he get fired for Excessively Annoying His Supervisor, or what? (OK, just, kind of, joking there, it's really none of my biz.)

hehe. I wish I knew the details too but I was afraid to ask.

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Well, the time has come for this MagicBlackCat to fade into the obscurity of the interwebz. *sad kitty* I've had this user name for over 15 years on a variety of different sites but in necessity to become more invisbile, I will no longer be posting on this name. Sad

*The MagicBlackCat climbs into the closet of obsecurity and fades out of view as she lays among the silky black threads of her favorite black velvet coat. She is right there under your nose, but you'd never know it unless she opens her eyes and says "meow."*

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Need an exit strategy from a verbally abusive marriage

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