I WANNA BE ! ! !

oooh, i'd like some dairy queen

Burger or ice cream?

I mean . . . this is a serious thread, here, Bubba . . . i need to find a stalker, then whine about it, so i can be in with the in crowd.

Okey dokey. I'll stalk you. Hmmmm......

SE-tan-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Se. Tan. Ta. I dream of you writing essays on world history in my flesh with a sharp nibbed fountain pen. And then you make me a pie.

Talk to me, Setanta. I'm sorry that I hurt you.

<This is my first attempt at stalking so I had to cheat a little. Otherwise, how's that?>

Wait... I thought your already were....

(Looks pretty good--i'm new to this game, too.)

Your pallid flesh doesn't merit an essay. Oh why, oh why can't you just leave me alone. I didn't mean to hurt you, it was just an innocent post. You have totally blown this . . . uhm, something . . . out of proportion, and left me to writhe with the agony.

(Dj, get me a Teen burger, fries and a root beer, wouldya please? We could be at this for a while, Boom and i are both tyros.)

DD, you' ve always had it in for me, don't deny it ! ! !

But you'll have to wait your turn--Boom is stalking me just now, and we're both just learning.

dont fry food naked

Is that a vicious dig at my sartorial habits and my cooking skills? You bitch ! ! !

I can't leave you alone. I am obsessed. Even though we just met six posts ago, I am haunted by you. When I read that post you made about hamburgers I knew.... you complete me.

Set, we've shared a very deep, special connection over the years, and it kills me to see what's happening to you. Sure, the Existentialist school of thought would argue we are no more than square inch avatars and letters on an illuminated screen--and I might agree were it not for my decision to, against my doctor's orders, take myself off lithium--but the truth as I see it is that we are two "internauts" destined to walk together, hand-in-hand, through cyperspace.

Please don't go. Remember that one thread? Where I made a dick joke and then you railed against the premature dissolution of Reconstruction? Did that mean nothing to you? Were our hearts and minds not permanently tethered thereafter? I'll get to the point: if you leave, I will go on a serious hunger strike. I shit you not. And if you refuse to believe me, you'll see my ghoulish face on the Today Show, in about forty days or so, begging you to come back.

Come back.

Stay away from me . . . now i've got hot grease spattered all over my solar plexus . . . it's your fault, i just wanted an innocent online friendship.

My guess is that you're a man. Oh, wait, wrong thread.

There's no wrong thread for this topic, Brandon. It's pure soap opera from here on out.

I wish i could re-name the thread--i'd call it As the Turd Whirls ! ! !

thats what you get for ignoring me.

I watch you post. I follow you. I read everything you say.

I know you well.

I know you fry naked


dont do it.
Im just telling you these things because I want you to feel good


thats all

You and Garg and Boom, you're all tryin' to drive me to extremes ! ! ! You e-mailed DD and Brandon to come in here and pile on, while acting all innocent, didn't you?

Wait, Wolf Woman is Boom--and Gargamel is Wolf Woman/Boomerang ! ! !

Gargamel, you bitter, bitter, hateful little man . . . why can't the three of you just leave me alone ? ! ? ! ?

(How am i doin' so far--too much drama? . . . not enough?)

Careful what you wish for

The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting what you want.

Wait a minute . . . you're really Brandon . . . and DD . . . aren't you ? ! ? ! ?

The nerd trinity . . . you won't fool me again ! ! !

I think you need to add some Pathos to your Logos in order to get a good stalker on the hook.

Wait . . . you're saying i'm not pathetic enough . . . who would have thought?