Quite embarassed...

She's the one who should be embarrassed.

Really, when things are proceeding in such a manner, it is reasonable to expect that someone will clarify stuff like a partner in situ.....

If you just didn't click for her, and she's fudging...well, it is a hard thing to be very honest about, but that's kind of a mean lie.

She could be testing your perseverence TK. Seeing if you are a good Darwinian style competitor.

Did she know that your talk of going for coffee/hanging out meant dating to you? Did you specifically call it dating up front?

Why wouldn't you continue to flirt with her? Flirting's good practice for you.

Forget so much talking.
Be straight forward but not overly pushy.
Be complementary.
Do not spend more that 1/2 hour at any one time with her at first.
Get her some nice soaps, perfume etc.
Alway dress well and be well groomed.
Make her laugh.
Don't be too available.
Make her chase you.

hmmm....

when I read the term "hanging out" to my old fart ears that sounded nothing like going on the date.

diest, not to make myself sound incredibly out of touch, but is that the term "you young people" are using when meaning you want to go out on what I would consider a date? I.E., potential for romance in the future?

Please don't take this as a negative comment/question in any way, I seriously may be out of touch with what 20 somethings call some stuff.

To me, "hanging out" is something 13 to 17 year olds do. Maybe I think that way because the 13-17 year olds who I heard use that phrase are now 23 to 27....go figure.

anyway, I think of hanging out as something you do with friends you've known for quite some time, not somone you met at a party and felt a spark with. I thought hanging out meant sitting around someone's house with nothing particular to do.

Well, I thought what she did, not telling you about a boyfriend (if she has one) is pretty shitty. I mean, what was she going to tell the boyfriend? "hey, I can't see you saturday because I'm going to hang out with some guy I met at a party".....oh yeah, that would happen.

Maybe it would help if you made you message clearer.

After talking for the evening at a party, finding a lot in common, she's acting like she's thinking the same thing....how about saying...

"I'm really having a good time with you. I'd like to see you again. Maybe just for coffee, or are you already seeing someone?"

I don't think that sound TOO old fashioned, and it sets up the stage, as well as giving her an out.

If she says she's dating someone, you can say "Ah...the good ones are always taken....I'm sure he's a nice guy....."

then, just start back in talking (have a backup emergency story to jump into, like "did you see how drunk that guy is over there?"

I think you just got your signals crossed. No need to be embarrassed about it, though. It's very flattering to be asked out, and I would have said that.


(Edit: unless you're with a date!)

Are you taking the piss Chum. You've had him doing monkey tricks and then you say "make her chase you."

Tell her your Dad has fifty thousand acres in Tuscany and is on his last legs.

If she asks how many brothers and sisters you have you're in.

Keep it clean and neat.

We need Slappy's input here.

Nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe she just didn't feel the same chemistry after the second meeting and decided to make an exit. I think it's easier for a person to play the boyfriend card than the I just didn't feel it with you card. Better it should happen after the first date than after a dozen. Move on, keep looking, keep asking women out. The odds are good you will eventually find the right person.

The odds are very good in fact. There are more women than men.

I would have gone round to this boyfriend chappie's drum and put him in the picture.

Tuscany is nice this time of year I've heard!

Here's the deal though, I met the guy that is her boyfriend at the same party I met her at. I talked to both of them that night, and neither mentioned it. They barely talked to each other and further, he seemed to be flirting with every girl there so I would have never come to the conclusion that he had a girlfriend less that the girlfriend was the girl I was consequently hitting on myself!

Oh brother...

So now I feel really awkward. The boyfriend is roommates with a friend of mine (the party was hosted at their house). So I feel weird going over there. I asked her not to say anything, and she said she wouldn't. Who knows.

Blah.

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TKO, call the gal up , ask her if she know any nice ladies (like herself) that she thinks might be interested in meeting you and suggest a double date with her and her friend. Improvise.

You are trying to send be to an early grave of embarrassment aren't you?

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Naw TKO you have to show her what a cool dude you are and that you will go to any extreme to be in her company. I just looked at your avatar and you are a very nice looking young man.

Well, that's not the truth, I won't do anything to have her company. I really wish she had been upfront and saved me the embarrassment.

Well, hopefully the next person I meet that I like will actually be single.

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I don't THINK anyone ever died of embarrassment yet.

(I know I have wanted to.)


But, as you suggest, you don't want to be the first.


You'll feel lots better in a few days..

You did nothing silly or bad. What would you say to your best friend if they were in the same situation....?

It would probably be less advice and more humor to take his mind of the issue like...

"dude, you know what would be really funny...[insert topically funny comment]"

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So...what would be really funny?

(Humour good!!!!)