So my sister is getting married, but...

IMHO, for the reasons enunciated so clearly by Brooke, your sister shoud evacuate
the premises and begin a new life elsewhere, in secrecy. Remaining single will be
of little comfort if one is factually subjected to oppression
or threatened with worse.

I trust that I am only pointing out the obvious,
when I suggest that she not say "good bye"
before decampment, for reasons of personal safety.
About 100 years ago, my mother lost a leg
because her sister said "good bye" to an abusive boy friend.

It seems to me, that what 's important in the subject matter
of this discussion is that, for the reasons indicated so eloquently by Brooke,
Sister separate herself from the bad guy,
who has been her de facto husband for the last 2 years,
judged by their living n (presumably) sleeping together,
rather than by the local laws of matrimony.
The factual history of this situation, as presented on this thread,
does not suggest that thay have only been room mates.
The issue of significant concern here is escape from dour, dire n menacing
conditions, not avoiding a future wedding.
At least, she need not be concerned with a pro forma divorce.





David

He's history. Since then, I've known some wonderful guys. The bad ones are not the norm. Thank God.

Life marches on to the beat of a better drum.

You're welcome.




Ah yes.....mind games and control. That's how it begins. They don't exactly "plan" things. There is just something inside of an abuser that snaps when he/she, feels the loss of control. They don't have to be bright. Or put thought into it, or plan it out.



Squinney, it never ceases to amaze me, the same scripts that abusers follow. I have been involved on forums, and worked with enough women in shelters, that you would think there would be something different. Unique, in each situation. There really isn't. It's almost like they are born of the same mold, in many ways.

Just keep doing what you're doing, sweetie. With a sister like you, this might turn out ok in the end. Good luck and let me know if you ever need anything.