Smoking pot: when is it not ok?

Bathy -
How long has this sham of a marriage been going on?

Ye gads - the guy is a lazy, inconsiderate, self-absorbed pot head with an inability to see you or your special needs.

I have a feeling that you allowed this lifestyle to go on for a long time, since he was not hurting anyone but himself. He is really entrenched in his own world and you might as well be speaking second year Chinese. He's not going to get it.

But now that you need some help, you seem amazed that he can't rise to the occasion.

Know this: He is never going to be there for you, kiddo.

Decide if you want to waste the rest of your valuable life with him.

I think I'd have to agree with others here - the marijuana isn't the problem, it's a symptom of the problem.

Cycloptichorn

I simply don't know if marijuana is the problem - I've little experience being around someone who smoked it all the time. (Well, there was Arnie in the Cloud Room, but even he wasn't there all the time.) Some people some of the time, yes, but not with these results. What percentage of the time it might cause apathy in a non apathetic person, I've no idea. Could be that people prone to depression and apathy get more apathetic/depressed, or are just apathetic and depressed as usual. There are probably statistics.

In any case, you have a problem on top of what you are going through yourself.
Hang in with the chemo, and be thinking about what you need, Bathy.

He is retired but his income supports us.

I am really tired today but would like to respond to all of you soon. Some good comments here that I have to cogitate. I'm reading them!

Bathy

Hi littlek,

I agree with Beth & Finn too....it's just hard to wrap my mind around this. We did have to go to ER Friday night because I felt weird. He was stoned but drove me there and sat half asleep until 2AM. My blood pressure was up a bit as were my liver enzymes which I have to get checked out Monday. Probably just a reaction to the chemo. On it goes.

Treatment #2 out of 6. The sessions are brutal - 6 1/2 hours long. Yucko.

Bathy

My husband is having chemo also. My heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through.

I can't imagine not being there for him.

But I have a feeling that this man has not "been there" for you all along - and now when you need his support and attention, of course he is not there.

You are going to have to get your needs met somewhere else. He is supporting your financially, and you do need that. But you need other things, too. And he is not going to be able to fill those kinds of needs.

Do you have a girlfriend, or relative who can help out? There are also support groups for cancer patients.

Reach outside of your marriage at this very difficult time.

I am no woman, rather a teenage boy. I have never smoked pot, but I have many friends who do it regularly. I know how people get when they are high, and it can be inconvenient.
Try your hardest to get him to quit it all together, and if he will not comply, I suppose the best you can do is to allow him to do it perhaps early in the day before he starts at his work.
If it impairs into his time, then tough for him. If he chooses to smoke pot, it should be at his own expense, not at the expense of his wife for 17 years who is fighting through cancer.

Hang in there!

Hi littlek and all,

I had an intense talk with hubby yesterday. At some points it got rather nasty but I held my dominion and presented the facts and situation that a 2 year old could understand. He admitted he is lazy. I was tearful a lot during the talk, which I didn't want to do because that feels like emotional blackmail, but he responded quite well. Today he is walking the dogs, doing the shopping (all of it) and now I have to get him to pick up around the house....another kick in the butt. I guess I'll have to be a chemo bully. I do my share but some days....just can't. I think I set things up years ago when I was working fulltime and doing all of the cooking/cleaning/shopping with no complaint. So much for women's lib. As far as I could see women's lib just meant more work, not less. So I've set things up the way womens' lib should have been, with equal chores, never mind equal pay. I wrote it up on a list and he will check things off as he does them. I will check off what I can do. Now, 'cuse me, got to find that bull whip seriously I am glad he at least cares enough to listen and try to comply. It's a start.

I so appreciate all of your comments - they helped me focus on what needs to be done and gave me the courage to do it.

Bathy
Dianne

Good start - good luck.

Still have to ask/tell him what to do, but maybe this is not unusual with guys?

Hope you all have happy holidays. I know this is a tough time of the year for some folks but I hope 2009 is good to all of us.

Bathy

It's not specific to guys, there are just people who are like that. I had a friend who somehow could never tell that her bathroom was too disgusting to use. I used to tell her before I went over that she'd need to clean the toilet, floor and sink.

If he does things when you ask, it's still better than him refusing to follow up on your requests.

Some people are better are being aware of their surroundings, other people ...

~~~

I can't see Tim Hortons for love or money. We all have weirdnesses that others have to put up with.

That's for sure,
hey, is that a photo of you & your dad? How did you get the cute hats on?

Bathy

when it starts fucking you up.

Glad to hear that he's started picking his act up - now to see if it will last.

Btw, how is the pot issue going? And have you ever asked him what he will do if you need emergency help and :

- You can't wake him
- he's too drugged to understand / drive?

Presumably he will avoid the question. There's another question too - if he's not addicted, why is he prepared to risk your life for a puff?...though if you ask that question, many people who won't admit a problem get angry and start an argument - usually in the form of attacking you (so that the topic is diverted and they don't have to answer the question)