Emoticons/Do You Use Them? Never, Sometimes, or Often?

Sometimes. Not too often.
I'm more of a verbal person, Phoenix. In real life I don't depend on body language very much. I'm not much good at reading any meanings into other people's body language although I do tend to "talk" with my hands myself. Unless I feel that a picture really would be better than a bunch of words in a particular case, it just doesn't occur to me to drop in a smiley. And smileys are about the only emoticons I do use. Often I'll type in the symbol instead of going to the hidden icons above. And there are times when my entire reply will be just a laughing smiley to show I really appreciate the humor of the previous post.
L'chaim!

Yes, me too.

For example, a = this is not deadly serious. Don't get upset. I'm joking!

I'm surprised at the number of times that one can be missunderstood. Then the need to explain: Hey, I was trying (& not succeeding, apparently!) to be funny! Really!
... and then the need to explain what was really meant by that post.

I guess, really, that the confusion which sometimes arises is not so surprising, given the number of different countries represented by posters here. We all have different approaches to humour. What might be funny to me might seem offensive, or completely bewildering to someone else. Subjects that might be "sacred" to some are fair game to others ... Things can get complicated! So sometimes I simply opt for a , or an or a hoping that my post will be crystal clear. It doesn't always work out that way, though!