How fearful were you as a child?

Erm, well, I suppose it is now kids' problems in general...but I specialize in attachment problems, complex trauma, anxiety, abuse, sexualised behaviour and such.....and using systemic frameworks as well as attachment/trauma/neurobiology stuff to help kids and carers.

I guess I shoud be glad for having had good parents,
who showed no fear of anything, as far as I remember.

Among the best of that was being left to live a lot my life
according to my own judgement, since I was alone a lot from age 8,
tho I asked my mother 's help in assessing different options,
from which I had to choose. When I lost her, I missed that a lot.
I saw too many other kids who had it WORSE.
A few times, I defended them.





David

Great links, dlowan! Thank you!

I haven't gotten into the big technical article yet as I want to dive in when I'm able to really concentrate without distraction.

Reading here where several people have acknowledged that their parents ignored their fears or belittled their fears or otherwise didn't address their fears and how that made them feel is very interesting.

I recognize that Mo is afraid of a lot of things -- mostly new situations and what might happen in these new situations -- but I try hard NOT to make a big deal out of all these fears. I was getting kind of worried about the way I deal with things so it's good to see that the experts say you need to recognize the fears without making them into to focus of your life.

It is really hard to figure out the right balance.

I would love to know from other posters here, or from your professional experience, dlowan, what people wished their parents would have done.

Just about what you are doing, Boomer. Caring, and trying to understand...

Well now I don't care all that much. I mean it has been a looooooooong time since I was a child. But I think it would have been good for me if they had let me 'hide' in their room or sat with me until the storm passed. I can't bear to watch a child be unnecessarilybe terrified of anything and can remember how bad that felt.

I wish they had told me that airplanes only fall out of the sky in the movies or other places but it can't happen in our yard or something to that effect. I am no longer afraid of airplanes, of course, but I can still remember how the fear in my gut felt.

Maybe those who can't remember childhood fears had that kind of reassurance without remembering it? Who knows?

I don't think I can think back to then, really, Boomer....and what I would have wanted...because I know what to do now!!!

But..I suppose I would want my poor parents to have been other than anything they had it in them to be at that time.

Bless their cotton socks, the situation when I was little was one for which there is now a LOT of support available...for kids and parents. There is also a lot more understanding of how kids react to trauma and such. There was nothing then...or nothing which my parents would have had the.....I dunno...confidence, wisdom (?)...to access. My mum was all about denial and my dad had the emotional wisdom of a fence post! But they did their best.


What I would want now for a kid in relation to anxiety beyond the norm is proper help.

This means education about anxiety, its physical manifestations (I use a drawing of a kid with all the parts of the body anxiety usually affects, including the brain and therefore the thoughts), the harmlessness and evolutionary purpose of said manifestations (kids often love thinking about being cave people, and how important the flight/fight response was to escape sabre -tooth tigers and cave bears and such), stuff about how, given that now most of our fears are of things that are not dangerous, and can't be responded to by beating something up or running away, the energy stays in our body and makes us feel weird, and we hyperventilate which makes us feel REALLY weird......but those feelings are harmless.

And then the work on the kid's specific fears, using cognitive and behavioural techniques.

Of course, for Mo, his anxiety is fed by his attachment stuff, and hence his difficulties with emotional regulation and some of his likely core beliefs...but you're already working on all that!!!

I like externalising the problem (a la Michael White)...so the kid can take on worry, or fears, or the worry bug, or whatever the hell they want to call it....we can then map all the things the worry bug does to try to make them feel bad, and figure out ways to beat it at its own game......worry-wrangling and suchlike.

You can make it funny and like a game, although the feelings are horrible for the kid.....cos they have to be exposed to the fear-causing situation until the fear settles.

And some relaxation techniques....breathing ones are good, I think.


But understanding is the key.....understanding the nature of anxiety is usually enormously helpful in itself. And understanding the kid....but supporting them in not letting fear beat them.

WORSE, I remember seeing too many times when my friends'
parents tried to INCREASE their fears by THREATENING my friends.
I thought it was an ugly sight (and sound).

On a few occasions, I used reason to defend them.



Truly, I can 't think of anything that I 'd have wanted my parents
to do differently. When I was 13, we acquired some more residential real estate,
such that I got a private furnished apartment, with greater independence
and more resultant freedom (tho I cannot, in good conscience, claim
that thay interfered with my freedom before that, either).

I do not wish that thay had done anything differently,
so far as I can remember.





David

What is the nature of anxiety ?

who can help me to write a dialogue? i'm doing a reserch. if your first languge is english, please ! thank you very much!
Following are the scene you should describe. It has been divided into two parts: real life and on the internet. Please choose the best way to obtain help.
REAL LIFE:You were taking a kind of medicine or maybe a health protection medicine, but there was a serious counteraction. So you went to a hospital to consult a doctor what to do.
ON INTERNET:You were taking a kind of medicine or maybe a health protection medicine, but there was a serious counteraction. You consult a medical expert on a medical treatment consultation network forum.

You need to open a thread of your own Yongheng...look to the upper right of the screen and click on "ask a question".

Your posts have no place in this thread.