dys, i went thru it with my dad 5 years ago. a bit different but similar circumstances. it wasn't a pretty picture in the end. we didn't know we could have intervened legally even tho i had co-power of attorney. he was 84, last stage of cancer, dementia etc. i went to stay in Fla as it was my turn to spend a week with him, and i got a hold of his checkbook while i was there. he was writing out checks for enormous sums of money.
large lettered/numbered telephone for 20k, computer 60k,,,,and on and on.
i called home, got a refferal to a great atty in Fla and by the time we got things figured out it was to late. it was all gone, including what we kids had put in.
turns out his new wife had a hand in it all. even tho we had a paper trail and had her, it wasn't worth the time or money and effort to follow thru with.
i would try to find a way to intervene for him and your mom's own well being before it's to late.
My wife writes all the checks for her mother. There's no way for anybody to rip her off. c.i.
What Roger said:)
Dys., I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.
Maybe if you asked him for a loan of $100,000 it would shock him into confiding in you.
What a dilemma!
Hi Dys, sorry for the situation.
Well, at least if there is no liability, the estimated tax payments are refundable, but you (or someone) is going to have to file correctly (1040x) within three years of the overpayment, which you can't do, of course.
All I can say is, contact an attorney, and boy do I feel for you. What a situation to be in.
hi, dys : just wanted to drop by to see how you are doing. if you or your dad are veterans you might try and get advice through VFW or veterans' administration. try to assemble as much information BEFORE you see an attorney, because the meter starts running as soon as you walk into the office .... here in kingston the seniors'association provides free basic legal advice by an attorney; do you have anything like that available to you ? checking into it won't hurt. hbg.
In my experience men cursed with senility tend to have a very crafty streak. They have their Little Ways and Habits--and they are usually enormously proud of these Little Ways and Habits. Can you make these Little Ways and Habits work for his benefit?
Do not "lend" your father money without some financial disclosures. Remind him that he was the man who taught you all your financial savvy and common sense.
Invent a friend with a senile parent--absolutely hopeless, refuses to take advice, etc. Use this mythical Senile Parent as a Horrid Example. Perhaps Senile Parent had an electrician (instead of a plumber)?
You already have plenty on your plate for major headaches, but consider going for your mother's Power of Attorney to protect her interests. Also, do your parents have living wills? Who will make medical decisions if they are incapable?
If you and your wife updated wills, living wills, powers of attorney, etc., this would make a natural introduction for suggesting that your father do this also.
Quote your attorney--a grave, established person of sound judgement (or so I assume)--that so much has changed in this computer era that everyone (of any age) needs up-to-date professional advice.
Keep a detailed diary documentating cases of your father's failing memory and faulty judgement.
Are you an only child? If you have brothers or sisters suggest a family confrontation.
Dementia is ugly and the efforts of the victim to deny dementia or even to cope with dementia are maddening in the extreme.
Good luck. Hold your dominion.
dys, I've finally arrived at a solution; you're a pretty smart guy, and you should be able to figure it out for yourself. You're over 18? I thought so. Good luck, pal.
You really have your hands full. Keep your chin up.
