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Honest Horoscopes

 
 
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:22 pm
Wow! These are so freakishly accurate, I've got goosebumps! Btw, I'm an Aquarius.

ARIES (MAR 23 - APRIL 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have major influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence but you are still a bad ass.

TAURUS (APRIL 23 - MAY 22) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamed communist

GEMINI (MAY 23 - JUNE 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (JUNE 23 - JULY 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (JULY 23 - AUG 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

VIRGO (AUG 23 - SEPT 22) You are a logical type and hate disorder. Your ****-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while *******. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (SEPT 23 - OCT 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (OCT 23 - NOV 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 23 - DEC 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of ****.

CAPRICORN (DEC 23 - JAN 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,969 • Replies: 10
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dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:30 pm
capricorn-right on the money.
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:39 pm
"Btw, I'm an Aquarius."


Hmm...
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:43 pm
ARIES (MAR 23 - APRIL 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA.

Ummmmm no

You have major influence on your friends

Not so's youd notice

and people resent you for flaunting your power.

People resent my flatulating power I know that much


You lack confidence but you are still a bad ass.

I like to pretend I'm a bas ass but know I'm not and so do those close to me.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:56 pm
Being Scorpio, I'm the worst of the lot.


So, where's the description for Aquarius? (or am I somehow missing seeing it?)
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Stray Cat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:57 pm
OMG! I neglected to paste my own horoscope here! (Thank you, Edgar!) Looks like I left off Pisces too (my apologies to the Pisces people out there).

Here they are:

AQUARIUS (JAN 23 - FEB 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ******* jerk.

PISCES (FEB 23 - MAR 22) You are the pioneering type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Like I said, I'm an Aquarius. Yep, right on the money.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 05:58 pm
Ah, good.. a full panel.
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Letty
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 06:00 pm
http://www1.bestgraph.com/gifs/culture/balance/balance-05.gif

Second only to the halloween witch, osso
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 06:01 pm
You're such a cute lobster, Letty!
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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 06:07 pm
Quote:
CANCER (JUNE 23 - JULY 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.


Embarrassed Thank goodness they've got internet in prison.
0 Replies
 
TTH
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 06:54 pm
CalamityJane wrote:
Quote:
CANCER (JUNE 23 - JULY 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.


Embarrassed Thank goodness they've got internet in prison.
Good one Laughing
0 Replies
 
 

 
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