Serial Cheaters - Narcissists

But it's not the sex. It is it's being naughty. If everybody was promiscuous, as humans once were and as monkeys still are, it would hold no attractions to you. And it is so easy what with men being so weak in this regard. The non-cheater provides the thrill for you.

You should hold up banks. That would test your nerve. All you need do is go to the right places and put yourself about in a certain way and it falls like the rain. It's routine and the field is well trampled. Maybe a newly promoted bishop is what you are looking for.

@spendius - rob banks? well that carries a little more of a consequence than I am willing to pay, plus I would never want to cause physical harm to anyone, but I agree that I can definitly relate to the high that the people that engage in that get. you are right, it has little to do with sex. Although please don't discount my love for all things sexual and discovering new activities that I had previously not. I enjoy manipulating people into doing things that they probly would have never done. With both men and women i find that I am able to alter their perception, even if only for a short time into becoming someone that they were not before. I live for the heart pounding, watching them shake a little from the unknown, I love the theatre of the event being able to feed of their desires and leads. If you have never experienced a rush like that, then it is hard to explain.

Nah--I don't understand that stuff kitty.

I once asked a lady why she did the things she did and she said that she liked tormenting me.

I presume you have not followed the alterations in perception over any considerable time with one subject. It is a dynamic process.

Some men prefer a lady to lie still, read a magazine and eat a crispy apple.

i have been married to a narcissist for 39 years. it is no joy ride. and yes he is a serial cheater. i have called it quits. and no, they do not want a divorce, they wont let go. this has almost destroyed my family, i am still fighting to find my place in this world. there is no cure, no little pill for this one.

u also have all the earmarks of a narcissist. did u ever stop to think who those men might be going home to? and u really need to reconsider the low self esteem thing. why else do you need all that power to make you feel important? u have such a low opinion of yourself that u use others to boost your self esteem

u dont understand narcissism. they cannot let go, because to do so would be failure, and they cannot except that. they see their spouse not as a person, but as an extension of themselves.

I too have been in a marriage with a narcissist and serial cheater for 39 years. You nailed it on every count.

I too am emerging. I hope that you and I can reclaim ourselves in the time we have left. When I look back I see meaninglessness and feel so empty. So I work hard at staying in the moment. It's the best defense I've found.

Your comments are so validating. There's no way to describe how alone I have felt, and I'm grateful that you shared.

Most of the comments on this were from women who had been cheated on by narcissistic men, but what about a narcissistic woman who compulsively cheats on her ever adoring boyfriend? I couldn't figure it out before reading this, but I am afraid that that's what I am. I love my boyfriend, and we have a wonderful relationship. Even so I can't help flirting with other men, and a couple times it has led farther. I wish I knew how to stop, but even when I try to I literally can't. There is no "just walking away". It feels like there is nothing I can do. I've hurt my boyfriend, and there is no way I would ever intentionally do that. I honestly feel that I am just scum, but what is there I can do about it? Ugh, sorry for my internet venting, but I really needed to get that off my chest.

I am married to one for nine years now adding with dating 14 years, and everyday is aliving nightmare want to leave him but vehemently refuses divorce, have gone through finding sex tapes with other women, e-mails, face book messages that he even tells some girls he wants to divorce me etc, bad part is am a very independent woman but for some reason I cant leave constantly angry, I live for my two beautiful kids

You need to get some counseling to figure out why you can't leave this guy -- because you are implying that you realize you should, yet you're not doing it. This is your inner voice talking.

Listen to it.

She shouldn't "live for her beautiful kids". It's neither good for her marriage or good for the kids. It's a cop out.

Gee I should introduce you to my EX you can cheat on each other, sounds like your a narcissist too.

Like Liz Taylor said, "It's not in the having, it's in the getting.'

Some people seem to be unaware that if they make a fine catch in marriage the risk of them being serial cheaters is greater because they attract people of the opposite sex for the same reason they were a fine catch.

Whenever such attraction is made obvious it is a battle between evolutionary chthonic forces and Christian morality.

The use of the word "cheater" is symptomatic of a Christian, anti-evolutionary attitude. If users of it think they are evolutionists then that is a delusion on a par with the delusion that God listens to all the prayers.

Under the circumstances the attraction can only be resisted by cheating evolution.

That might help a few to make their minds up about whether evolution should be taught in schools.

Get some therapy. Seriously. What you are doing is cruel and self-centered beyond belief.

Wow - this describes someone I'm dealing with to a "T". She is a serial cheater and definitely has some narcissistic traits. She almost ruined two families by cheating with her friend's husband and we've now found out that she has also been sleeping with two other men as well. Her husband has confronted her with knowledge about it over the years but nothing ever seems to change. He continues to put up with it and she continues to cheat, even doing so with people close to their family. It's truly disgusting.

You sound like an awfully sad, deeply confused person.

I have been involved with a narcissist for 12 years I am in the process of breaking away. What no one has mentioned is that you are in love with the "ideal love" that they can "turn on" on a dime. What you have to realize is that it is just a theater to them. There are no victims in their world. They believe their lies and even when you witnessed what they are lying about they will attack you and try to make you feel like you're the crazy one..devalue. When they are no a conquest for admiration and sex nothing you do will be good enough. They will go out of their way to prove that you're crazy. When you find out about the latest affair and you crumble to pieces they do not care and will not even call you to see how you are doing. You have to crawl back to them...to reinforce that you're crazy (all your fault) and that they have that kind of power over you. You will have these moments of clarity where you say "I didn't do those things", "I'm not the crazy one" but they are already turning up the heat because you are the chosen one to be his wife. You are a good girl that's why he chose you to begin with. My soon to be ex. married me and was still having an affair of a secret "double life" he was living for a year that I foud out about 6 days after we were married. I had the marriage annulled and we went to extensive counseling and he promised his eternal love for me blah, blah. Well guess what it wasn't so eternal. We just bought a house on July and he walked out on me yet again. This time I didn't get on my hands and knees and beg and let him get off on wow two woman love me so much which one will I choose. I filed for divorce. I never heard from him why? Because it does not feed his source of narcissist supply ..you see the dynamic is I have to call him and beg. If you don't want him you are a throw away because you don't get how great he his and you must be crazy for that to. Oh and BTW we both work in medicine and many of his conquests have been patients of his and he convinces these whores that he has to go back to me and "take care of my crazies" so they feel sorry for him and never report him. Not hits time though....

I may be a narcissist. What should I do? I recognize the behaviours involved, and instantly translated it into a perspective that was much more flattering. This is bad.

I may be a narcissist. I read your article, enjoyed it, but as I was reading I was simultaneously noticing behaviours in myself you described and translating them into a morally neutral perspective. Is this merely paranoia, is there any legitimate way of me defending myself without seeming like a narcissist?