I'm uncomfortable receiving recognition

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I hate it. I like doing a good job -- it's intrinsically satisfying, but I feel very uncomfortable when someone acknowledges it in any way more than a pat on the back and a "good job". Like if someone says, "FreeDuck's the only one who can figure this out" and then I do and there's a sort of "see, our hero does it again" after that, I just don't know how to act. And I get embarrassed and slink back to my cube. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but it just makes me really uncomfortable.

And don't even get me started about cases where they heap praise on you for something you were hardly even a part of.

Anybody know what to do about this?

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Another thing. When I'm uncomfortable like that I tend to use humor in a self-deprecating way to deflect it. Sometimes excessively. Anybody else do that?

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No.

You're one weird little ducky.

:wink:

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Quote:

Anybody know what to do about this?

Freeduck- Simply smile, say "thank you", and change the subject. Then, when you are alone, try to figure out why praise embarrasses you.

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It's true. I'm a freak.

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That's what I'm trying to do now, Phoenix, figure out why it embarrasses me. I think at least part of it is that I'm being praised for doing something someone else couldn't do, so I feel like it's a put down of that person (or people). Or something. Oh hell, I don't know.

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Oooh yeah.

I mean I love getting recognition, but have a really hard time reacting to it.

I'm still not really over this so I don't have a lot of advice, but what I've figured out (and you seem to say this too) is that while I feel weird or conceited or something accepting praise, it's rude not to. People give praise for a reason, it needs to be graciously acknowledged. Easier said than done, though. I'm better at doing it non-verbally (smile, etc.) than verbally. "Thanks" often seems like a weak reaction. I often try to come back with praise for the other person but that's problematic, too -- praise shouldn't just be tit-for-tat (as in, if they've done something praise-worthy, I should praise 'em without it being elicited by THEIR praise for me), and sometimes it's not equivalent and can sound condescending (them: "Great job on getting that grant to save our organization!" me: "Thanks! Hey, you really arranged those flowers beautifully!")

By the way, FreeDuck, you totally rock!!! :-D

heh.

I'm evil.

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FreeDuck, you always did especially well in school, right?

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FreeDuck wrote:

It's true. I'm a freak.

Give yourself a beak!

You're a DUCK, fer crissake!

You're SUPPOSED to duck when effusive stuff happens.

It's not like it's water off a duck's back, to you.

You get your tail feathers in a spin.

Seriously, yes, lots of people get embarrassed by effusive praise.

I certainly do.

AND I get funny and such.

I have trained myself to handle normal compliments ok, but effusive praise is is, well, overly effusive for me.

But hey nemmind, shut the duck up, sit the cocksuck down, and try to take it on the beak.

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FreeDuck wrote:

I hate it. I like doing a good job -- it's intrinsically satisfying, but I feel very uncomfortable when someone acknowledges it in any way more than a pat on the back and a "good job". Like if someone says, "FreeDuck's the only one who can figure this out" and then I do and there's a sort of "see, our hero does it again" after that, I just don't know how to act. And I get embarrassed and slink back to my cube. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but it just makes me really uncomfortable.

And don't even get me started about cases where they heap praise on you for something you were hardly even a part of.

Anybody know what to do about this?

FreeDuck wrote:

Another thing. When I'm uncomfortable like that I tend to use humor in a self-deprecating way to deflect it. Sometimes excessively. Anybody else do that?

I have the same "issue". I dreaded it while I was in the military were awards and decorations were almost aalays "public events" in front of crowds. Tried to convince a couple of my commanders to just mail the things to me but they never would.

The first commercial job I got after retiring was with a compnay that had a weekly "all hands" meeting where they would recognize people in front of the entire company. I hated it...

I don't have any problem with the pat on the back or one-on-one recognition. Why do they always want to do it in front of a crowd?

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sozobe wrote:

By the way, FreeDuck, you totally rock!!! :-D

thanks. (slinks away)

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sozobe wrote:

FreeDuck, you always did especially well in school, right?

Not entirely. I did well in my last bout at college but not on my first try. The first time around I just wasn't prepared, didn't know what I wanted, and was too distracted with the general process of emotional maturation.

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fishin wrote:

I have the same "issue". I dreaded it while I was in the military were awards and decorations were almost aalays "public events" in front of crowds. Tried to convince a couple of my commanders to just mail the things to me but they never would.

The first commercial job I got after retiring was with a compnay that had a weekly "all hands" meeting where they would recognize people in front of the entire company. I hated it...

I don't have any problem with the pat on the back or one-on-one recognition. Why do they always want to do it in front of a crowd?

Oh yes. One of the situations I'm thinking of was on a project for the military. I actually only came in on the tail end of the project but still received the same medal as everyone else and sat in front at the ceremony (complete with band). I was mortified and borderline despondent.

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dlowan wrote:

But hey nemmind, shut the duck up, sit the cocksuck down, and try to take it on the beak.

Yes ma'am!

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Actually I meant school-school, like K-12. But fishin's already putting a dent in that nascent theory.

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Oh, yeah, k-12 I did pretty well, not counting a short burst in middle school where I pretended I was stupid and decided to complete the entire school year writing only with my left hand (I was not left handed). I know, I know, I'm a freak. It was a "what does it mean to be a girl" time for me with no guidance.

sozobe wrote:

I'm better at doing it non-verbally (smile, etc.) than verbally. "Thanks" often seems like a weak reaction. I often try to come back with praise for the other person but that's problematic, too -- praise shouldn't just be tit-for-tat (as in, if they've done something praise-worthy, I should praise 'em without it being elicited by THEIR praise for me), and sometimes it's not equivalent and can sound condescending (them: "Great job on getting that grant to save our organization!" me: "Thanks! Hey, you really arranged those flowers beautifully!")

I meant to respond to this as it pretty much hits the nail on the head. And it made me laugh.

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FreeDuck, I could have been writing your initial post. I feel the same way.

I mean, I care about being recognized for what I do by those who count. Those who will remember my skilz when it'll end up benefiting me, like for a new project or bonus, etc.

The other stuff is just words, and anyway, I know there's always someone that's thinking "she's not that great"

Don't tell me how great I am, show me by giving me something that matters to me.

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sozobe wrote:

But fishin's already putting a dent in that nascent theory.

I have not dented any theories! Shocked

(can we work that out ourselves? My insurance company doesn't need to get involved do they? Razz

)

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Chai wrote:

FreeDuck, I could have been writing your initial post. I feel the same way.

I mean, I care about being recognized for what I do by those who count. Those who will remember my skilz when it'll end up benefiting me, like for a new project or bonus, etc.

The other stuff is just words, and anyway, I know there's always someone that's thinking "she's not that great"

Don't tell me how great I am, show me by giving me something that matters to me.

Yeah, the recognition I like is in the form of getting picked for difficult projects and just general respect. I like it that they think I can solve difficult problems. I guess I just don't like it when they say so. Especially in front of others. I'll take a thumbs up, or a "good job" as long as it doesn't drag on more than about 5 seconds.

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FreeDuck wrote:

Oh, yeah, k-12 I did pretty well, not counting a short burst in middle school where I pretended I was stupid and decided to complete the entire school year writing only with my left hand (I was not left handed). I know, I know, I'm a freak. It was a "what does it mean to be a girl" time for me with no guidance.

Well there ya go, that was exactly where I was going.

I got so much **** from people (mostly other girls) for doing well in school, and it has left lasting discomfort with this general concept for me I think. For example, there was a weekly spelling test in grades 4-6. I usually did very well on the spelling test. I usually WANTED to do very well on the spelling test. I usually got the top score or the second-top score -- a boy and I usually traded the top spots. He was fine with that. It was a friendly rivalry.

But if I expressed any happiness at getting the top spot, my female friends would get pissed at me. If I hid my happiness badly, my female friends would get pissed at me. If I was unhappy ("oh crap I got the top score but now everyone will be pissed at me"), my female friends would get pissed at me. ("You got the best score, what are you unhappy about?!")

It really seemed simpler to just not do well and sidestep the whole issue, but for some reason I never really got to that point.

Anyway, I think that whole experience (not just with spelling tests but in general) contributed to some of my current unease.

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I'm uncomfortable receiving recognition

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